The man in me

The man in me

Authentic or synthetic?


As Jim walked into the pub you could see he was a walking star. Not in the sense of being a celebrity but rather in his appearance. Nails well done, hair at golf course height and pants tighter than a hose fitted to a tap. “What the hell happened to you chap?” is all that ran through our minds. This was the modern man. The meterosexual. A new breed of men who were in touch with their feminine side. Groomed himself like a cat and walked like a one too. This begged the question, who is an authentic man and who’s synthetic? Most men, at least most of the authentic one’s that are left, believe that God created Adam. Not that they love being all bushy and sweaty but at least one should maintain the slightest bit of masculinity. In most cases, there is a very thin line between meterosexuality and crossing over to the other side. I have completely nothing against this group of men just to be clear.


On the contrary, I believe men should be presentable and well groomed. We can do this from the confines of our bathrooms or for the liberal, living room. A trip to the salon shouldn’t be treated as an invite by our feminine counterparts to join them in their haven. Certainly no man wants to be at a barber shop and the wife is reminding him of the unfixed bulb or broken tile in the bathroom. Meterosexuals are the kind of men who would sit back and wait for a tow track to tow his vitz because it ran out of fuel. They are afraid of getting their hands dirty. An occasional greasy hand isn’t a bad sight, it shows you remain true to who you are; biologically at least. A friend once told me God created man and woman created the gentleman. This idea has since been rooted in my mind. At times I think to myself, aren’t we misplacing our values and priorities? Whenever ladies see one of those modern Herculean men or simply the modern day Tyrese, they go ballistics. They don’t react in an equal manner when they see Michael Bolton or Neil Harris. This shows that as much as women are hygienic and well groomed they don’t want us to compete with them. The little experience I have had with ladies has given me the impression that they want a masculine figure around them. A few days ago, I had the opportunity to eavesdrop my way into a conversation. My friends and I had come from lunch and some guy just blurted out, “I don’t understand how four guys can have lunch together! I’d only have lunch with a guy if the situation found me at home.” This statement rang in my head.


I don’t mind having lunch with the boys at any restaurant. In guy time, lunch time is the time you get to check chics out. You can freely criticize that peach-like behind, praise those lovely melons or ogle at that diva in jeans sewn to her skin. Narrate how you had to fix the broken photocopier with no know-how just to please the secretary and lost your tie in the process. Basic things that a man can take pride in. That is an authentic man having lunch. A synthetic man would rather talk about his new pants, hair-do or number 234 nail polish with the girls. A man should spend time with the ladies but to an extent that does not compromise his manhood. I wouldn’t be propagating hate speech when I say,they make the work done by Dedan Kimathi,George Washington,Samora Machel and the likes seem fruitless. If these men had manicured nails or hairstyles they couldn’t afford to mess up, I probably wouldn’t be writing this. I’d be scouting for my fourth or third wife in the valleys of Lambwe(not that I would mind that of course). I want to be the man that changes a flat tyre in the blazing sun,the dad that can teach his son how to do it and the grandfather that remembers how he used to do it.


Meterosexual men aren’t really lesser men but I’m just saying they are giving the first man a bad name(whether it’s the ape,Adam or Gikuyu). A business man can be well groomed without having their nails done in the salon. When a lady says she wants a presentable man she doesn’t mean she wants herself plastered on a masculine figure. You can be a clean and still be a man. A trip to the beauty palour will just serve as an erosional process. Authentic men are now becoming extinct. The number of men we are losing to the other side is at an all-time high and action should be taken immediately. Otherwise, professions that are not keen on aesthetics will vanish. I will be responsible for the formation of a movement that will seek to save man. It is not a task for the faint hearted. It will require men who can say no being shaved around beautiful ladies for the more masculine barber shop, with two ladies that everyone wants to get touched by. It will need men who can eat at any diner or open air restaurant, instead of the fancy eating joints. Men who will learn how to fix a broke pocket even if involves breaking plenty of sweat glands. This is a race to save humanity. It may get boring (some don’t want to chip their nails) but it’s a worthwhile course. Let us save the authentic man. Let us go back to barber shops!



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