Questions I struggle with

Questions I struggle with

What’s my purpose on earth?
Is it to achieve my dream?
Is it to make my folks happy?
To be the best I can be?
Or be what the world expects of me?
I have the answer,
I have no purpose,
No goals,
I have no vision of where I want to be,
I simply want to be happy,
They say money isn’t everything,
So why should I be ambitious,
As long as I do my best,
Is that not good enough?
But I was taught I have a purpose on earth,
Not just any purpose,
A purpose customized to my abilities,
Abilities I have to learn as I grow,
But that’s my purpose,
My God-given purpose,
That’s my purpose in life.

Religion taught me a lot as a child,
It taught me God loved all equally,
It taught me not to discriminate,
Not to judge,
For that was God’s responsibility,
To love my enemy,
And not just to love,
But to love as I loved myself,
So I did.
But at times,
I hated myself,
Loathed myself,
And reciprocated to my neighbor,
I was called all manner of appellations,
Rude, disturbed, spiteful,
But I only did what was taught,
How wrong could I have been?
But I learnt as I grew,
Learnt that a perfect picture,
Almost always gets the best reviews,
The only difference was that perfection varied,
And I was perfect at interpretation.

I dressed up to take her on a date,
Showed up with my regular moccasins,
She looked at them and sneered,
She said they looked ugly,
In the spirit of honesty,
I told her the truth
At least I could shop for others,
She couldn’t buy straight toes,
She hated me,
Called me an asshole,
Scum of the earth,
But if she believed in beauty,
Shouldn’t she believe in the opposite?
I did,
And still do,
Comfortable in my skin to know,
I’m perfect,
Just not your perfect,
And people love you for your imperfections,
To accentuate their perfections,
So I take pride,
Pride in lifting your self-esteem,
Because without my flaws,
You’d have nothing to make you stand out.

I was told to love my enemies,
And true to that I love my enemies,
But that changed when I was told to rebuke the devil,
Who is the devil?
Who is this Satan they speak of?
Is he a spirit?
A phenomenon?
A theory?
Or simply,
My neighbour.
Should I hate my neighbour?
Make him feel left out,
Simply because I don’t practice what he does?
Isn’t that contrary to what religion taught me?
To show love,
So that they may know what is means,
To live in love,
That’s why I live among sinners,
Like a sinner,
As a sinner,
For we all are sinners,
Only that some among us,
Feel regal,
Not to be wrapped with other sinners,
But I stand proudly a sinner,
One who casts a stone,
Knowing a bigger one may make its way back.
The most I can do as a human,
Is be myself and be happy in that.

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