Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Sometimes I just think up things and put it down. Off the dome

His & Her Perspective- Part 1

Penny sat on her armchair with her book on her lap, gazing into her phone. It had been two days since Richie had contacted her and she couldn’t put her finger around the actual reason. Had she done something? Was he okay? This had never happened before. Richie was always reaching out to her no matter the state he was in. He’d go out till 6am and still wake up at 9 to find out how she was fairing. She contemplated calling him but was not sure that would be the right move. She put her phone down, adjusted her reading glasses and went on reading. 

By the time she raised her head from her read, it was already dark. She checked her phone and there was still no notification. Her curiosity got the better of her and she called him. The phone rang a few times and she heard the voice she had become accustomed to, “Hey, what’s up, how are you?” Replied Richie. “Uuumm, I’m okay. How are you? Are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet the last two days.” Queried Penny. There was a moment of silence before Richie spoke. “I’m good. Can’t really complain much. A little bit of work here and there to keep me occupied but other than that, I’d say I’m doing great.” Penny was taken aback but couldn’t let it out on phone so she continued to prod to find out the exact reason for his silence. 

“Are you sure? Because you’ve never been this silent before, at least not to me.” Richie took a deep breath and replied, “I know I’ve never been like this towards you and you probably think I’m pissed off at you or something but it has absolutely nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with me. And it’s not that cliche, it’s not you it’s me kind of vibe. Not at all. This is about me. My well-being. My sanity.” Peggy cut him short, “What do you mean your sanity? I make you insane? I’m I that bad?” Richie tried to explain himself in a calm way. “I haven’t said that. I haven’t mentioned anything about you making me insane. Just give me a chance to explain myself and maybe at the end of it all you’ll understand where I’m coming from. I’ve known you for what? Five years? Maybe more? And I’ve always been that friend you needed. Been that guy.

I’ve put you first so many times I can’t remember the last time I made time for myself. And I’m glad to help. On any given day but not at my expense. I’m not going on about monetary forms because we make money and lose it. And you’ve never needed any money from me. I’m referring to something that’s not tangible, my happiness. Every time I put you first, I relegate myself to become secondary. I give and give and give but in that giving I also take away from myself. Have you even once thought to ask me, how are you? Not just to find out about my day. Facebook and Twitter can tell you all about that. Find out about my mental state? See where I’m at in life. I look happy but does that really mean I’m happy? I’ve been a listening ear for so long I don’t know how to talk about myself anymore. And I’m not blaming you or saying you’re at fault here. I’m just taking the first step in making my life right again.”

Peggy cut in once more, this time in a calmer voice. “But you’ve never said anything before. Not even once have you told me, hey Peggy, I don’t think I’m in a good space. Not even once Richie! You think I’d not do anything if you did? You know how much you mean to me. Don’t you?” There was an awkward moment of silence before Richie continued, “I know. And that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Whenever you’ve gone through it, I didn’t wait for you to tell me you were going through something. Sometimes it’s not show and tell. Have you ever been in a situation where someone plays down what you’re going through despite you opening up to them? It takes your ability to open up to another person a few notches lower. We’ve known each other for over five years! Five goddamn years, and you can’t tell when I’m not okay? 

You ask me why I’m silent? I’m silent because I need to rediscover myself. I need to get to the point where I know people are important in life but not necessarily my life. I need to be able to find a way to deal with my issues without expecting someone to come and ask me, hey are you okay? Do you need to talk about it? I want to be free. Free of placing the expectation of my happiness on other people. Unburdening them while unshackling myself. So my silence is not a punishment to you or a retaliation of any sort. It’s an emancipation from myself. I’m giving myself an opportunity to live life on another scale and experience happiness. You aren’t an impediment to my bliss but how will I ever know what it feels like if I don’t put myself first?”

Peggy took a deep sigh and with a somber voice replied, “I don’t know what to say. You’ve said so much and I have a lot to say but I don’t know how to say it. I understand where you’re coming from and I wish I could’ve done more. There’s only so much I can do but I’d like to try. Not as a repayment of any sort but to demonstrate that our friendship is genuine. Built on nothing but love and trust. Your happiness is equally important to me and I have no problem taking a back seat every once in a while and checking on you. Sometimes we get too caught up in our own mess and forget there are other people that help us get out of it despite there being only one benefactor. But I have something I need to say as well.” 

When you give up

“Are you a quitter? When things get tough you just give up?” Those words rang in my head for a very long time. I wasn’t a quitter, or at least that’s what I thought. I always worked hard to make things work. I had the African parent spirit in me, “We’re doing this for the kids” kind of mentality. I barely wrote people off despite numerous signs and always found that tiny reason to believe. It was all good and I didn’t feel like I needed to quit anyway. We had a few rough patches but who doesn’t go through a bumpy section in their life? 

“Hey, how are you? How’ve you been?” I asked over the phone. “Hey, I’ve been great, can’t complain. Just decided to come and catch some drinks with a few friends,” she replied with a cool breeze blowing behind her and inaudible chit chats. A voice from the background just belted out, “Who are you talking to? Hang up! You can call them later.” I was taken aback but I didn’t say a word. “I’ll call you later, okay?” I can still play that tone in my head and at that point in time, I wanted to talk but the only words that came out of my mouth were, “No worries. It’s cool.” It bothered me but I had to make it work, right? The truth is no, I did not have to even make an effort to make it work. I had the right to just get on my high horse and walk away but I chose to stay. 

I stayed because I believed there was something I was building. I could see the light but unfortunately, we were facing different sides of the same tunnel. She had her eyes on where she came from, I had my eyes on where we were going. It took me a while before I could muster enough courage to pack my bags and go. It was a very difficult decision to make but it had to be made. I was becoming toxic. I believe in doing good and expecting nothing in return. But there are situations where that doesn’t apply. Like in a relationship. It can’t be one way traffic. There’s compromise. At your place of work. You give so that you get. 

The frustration of giving something your all and not getting takes a toll even on the strongest of spirits and I know mine is barely crawling out of weakness. People have made it seem like giving up is a thing only weak people do and that is a very dangerous path to chart. The strong give up and not for lack of trying. But you have to be strong enough to know what’s working and what’s not working. Giving up gives you an opportunity to see something from a different lens. You find another way to approach the same monster. And I had chosen to give up. Not for lack of trying but because my efforts to make a castle were tearing down the brains behind the project and there was no blueprint anyone could borrow. 

I chose to live and find my own happiness. Put myself first and rediscover the joy of living. In the process of finding myself, I met a soul that was pure yet crusted in fear, hurt and pain. From the smile, you could tell she knew what happiness was, had experienced it and still had some of it left. From her eyes you could tell she was broken and found it hard to trust again. But still from the same eyes I could see she had hope, strength and a lot of empathy. As I got to know her, I started to appreciate my situation even more. I had it all. And I was happy on my own just living and nobody expecting much from me. But her? She had a world on her shoulders but still found the strength to smile, be present for others and even take a back seat when she clearly needed to be on the driver’s seat. 

She was beautiful, in and out. Her smile, eyes, beautiful fingers, her even skin tone, her hypnotic laugh, her mesmeric scent and her intelligence. She could switch from literature to pop culture in a jiffy and you couldn’t tell she had seen the best of both worlds. I couldn’t and still can’t put my finger around what made her so appealing to me. Maybe it’s the fact that she had this tough exterior but just underneath it was this gentle soul that wanted nothing more than to be happy and live in a happy place. She had gone through a lot by the time I met her and further blows hit her along the way but one thing remained constant, her will to live. She was the kind of strength we struggled to attain but couldn’t because we were too busy being afraid. Being cautious that what if this happens? Or that occurs? How will it affect my life? 

From her I slowly started to learn the joy of living life with the ability to take some risks. We lose and gain and as much as the loss in most cases outweighs the gains, we push on. We try to get the best out of our situations. Sometimes the kiss that turned the toad into a prince will turn you into a toad but the idea that your happiness may lie in the most unusual place shouldn’t stop you from going after it. I had my moments in 2018 and in giving up, I started living. I met a person who may never know the impact they had on my life, and I may never have the words to explain it but I know it. 

The biggest pain was being there for someone but not being present. I’ve watched a couple of episodes on surviving R Kelly and I couldn’t help but think of the kids going through the same but the issue never gets highlighted because it’s not someone famous that did it. These kids grow to adulthood with the stigma and have to carry it around for the rest of their lives without necessarily knowing how to address it. Knowing a person who went through the same, I felt powerless because there’s only so much either I or they could do. It’s a constant cancer that can only be maintained hoping that the malignancy can be dormant. Have you ever tried throwing a feather over a distance? That’s how diffficult it is for people who have undergone childhood trauma to get over it and just move on. It takes time, patience, courage, glitches along the way, pain, hurt, reliving the memories. It takes a toll but as a society, we need to do better. Sweeping this issue under the rug because “it’s not in our culture” or “it happens” should never be an excuse. 

Children deserve to grow in a loving environment and allowed to be children. Show them love and raise them with virtue. The same will be reciprocated in adulthood. We cannot decry a toxic society when we partake and enable the development of the same. We need to do better. Better for ourselves. Better for others. Better for prosperity. Give up those toxic traits and learn new ones. It may be tough but it’s worth it. I have never had new year resolutions and this year is no different. I will continue living life with the hope that I spread a cheer, smile or give a ray of hope to someone who is going through a tough time. That is enough joy for me. Be better. 

The Price of Sacrifice

“Should I use the machete or my dagger? Last time my dagger didn’t cut clean through when I was skinning that goat. I want this to be as quick as possible. Do I even have time to sharpen it? But if I lose this one do I have enough energy to make another one? Maybe he’ll send another one. A brunette. One who can hunt and cook. Yeah, a brunette will be cool. But what will I tell the missus? He saw a bird and ran after it and I was too slow to catch up? 99 years of waiting and then boom! He’s gone because I sacrificed him yet I have plenty of fat goats. But of importance is life, bora uhai.”

I’m not saying this is what was going through Abraham’s head when he was going to sacrifice Isaac but intel from reliable sources confirm this is what actually happened. I cannot begin to imagine how confusing it must have been for a man to lose a son he had spent almost a century trying to make. Let me put this in context. You’ve saved to buy your dream car after ten years without a job then your ancestor tells you to give it away because he helped you get it. I would go on about this legendary story if I could but I have more relevant stories on sacrifice. In high school, there’s a guy that almost lost his life because of a plate of ugali and heavily moisturized sautéed kales served with a side of steamed meat.

The guy, who I’ll call Sam for his security, had a plate of food and half a loaf of bread on the other hand. As he gingerly, with the motion of a gracious stag, weaved through the traffic of sweat and drool drenched teenagers, he slipped on a banana peel. We weren’t even eating bananas so we don’t even know where it came from. What followed was the bravest sacrifice I have personally witnessed. Sam flew into the air, paused turned at us and let gravity take its course. But he was a determined man. He had a not so courteous interaction with the floor. The usually busy bickering boys went silent. Was he alive? But more importantly, what happened to his food? As the second of silence from the fallen soldier was met with all manners of laughter, he rose, bruised and battered but all the content last in his hand were safe. We were all tears but lauded his brevity. The sacrifice of a hungry boy had paid in kind.

In life, objectivity is a rare gem. Even when facing truth, which is undeniable, being objective is a luxury most do not afford. So I will be very subjective in my objective description of sacrifice. Not the dictionary definition. A breakdown of sacrifice. I’ll use it interchangeably with compromise. It’s my story. This is one of the few things you experience at a personal level. There is standard way to look at sacrifice. It’s as simple as giving time and as complex as giving your life. And sometimes it’s not life in the literal sense. Sacrifice is all about giving something of value. It can be ten minutes of your time and in those ten minutes you were probably going through the toughest time but you made time to make someone else comfortable. It can be years of your time.

The sacrifice a mother makes for her child or  a father makes for his family are all important but viewed differently. And can you blame people for using their lenses to see the world in a way they understand? Sometimes our roles are downplayed because people don’t know how much we give up to give. A mother struggling with self-esteem will feed her baby in public without stopping to think, “what will people think of my stretch marks?” A father wakes up to walk over 20km to earn less than $3 but will still find a way to make sure his kids are fed and educated. In certain scenarios, your sacrifice is your responsibility but it doesn’t take away that you are making a sacrifice.

Gratitude is not as natural as we assume it should be. Some people will never see your sacrifice sufficing. They will find a reason to make you feel like you haven’t done enough. Like you always need to dig deeper, take from yourself and give them till you have nothing left to give. People don’t realize a simple thank you at times is the best thing you can hear. It’s the simple things in life that have the greatest impact in our lives. I believe sacrifices are just like doing good. If you do it expecting something in return you may end up feeling used and abused. Whenever you feel you have a lot to lose you can always say no. It’s not the easiest thing to say especially when it’s to someone you have built a relationship with. But sometimes your greatest pain comes from the smallest sacrifices for the dearest people.

Sacrifice comes in different forms and people react to it differently. Some are strong enough to handle the results of it, others not so much. I have experienced sacrifice on both ends of the spectrum. As the one who offers the sacrifice and as the recipient. At times, it hurts when you sacrifice or compromise and someone takes advantage of that but there’s an equally fulfilling feeling that engulfs you when your sacrifice does some good. You’ll feel the need to give up and not give in given scenarios and that’s okay. You don’t always have to give. Sometimes you need to be selfish and just say, I’m taking the front seat this time. There comes a time when you have to sacrifice everyone else to save yourself, just as you may have to sacrifice yourself to save everyone else. Whatever the case, make your sacrifices worthwhile.

A new start; a happy start

I make a point to find something I want to achieve every year. Unfortunately, my year starts in five months so until then, I will procrastinate last year’s goal to then. However, 2017 was a very significant year for me and I had to jot something down to appreciate the good, bad and ugly.

It was a year that taught me hope isn’t just a beautiful girl sleeping with the choir master after practice. It’s the difference between reaching and falling short. I barely talk about my emotions but one lady I’ve been very close with was my grandma. Losing her was probably the lowest point for me.

One thing I learned from her is hope. Never lose that little glimmer that you have in life. Things may be going south faster than draws on a pressed crotch but there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. She always had something smart to say even at 100. Just like any soap opera, I’d have liked to say a few words to her before she passed on but I didn’t get the chance.

Did she know how much I loved her? Would it have made any difference if I was at her side when she took her last breath? I’ll never know but I hope I will never have to ask myself these questions again. I choose to speak my mind and say how I feel. Sometimes we don’t get reciprocated emotions but it kills you more to keep your feelings bottled up.

I know this first hand. I don’t regret a day in my life when I say something I mean. It hasn’t always gone well for me, but it’s lifted a burden off my back. Take risks. Live like today was your birthday and tomorrow is a holiday. Risk isn’t necessarily careless. It’s taking that leap of faith to find the little happiness you can achieve when you’re alive.

Fall in love. Walk out of toxic relationships. Make friends. Lose some. It’s all a part of growing up. Very often you’re caught up in historical cycles that have no impact on your present life. Every once in a while, be your greatest critic but give yourself a break as well. Don’t just make mistakes. Do them well. In everything you do, do the utmost best. There’s no rehearsal. Even if you believe in the afterlife, you won’t live it on earth.

Find a vent. Let things out. Bottled emotions are noxious. Don’t deny yourself happiness because of fear. Fear of the unknown. Your mind is a strong organ. Talk, sing, write, draw, take a walk. Just do something other than suffering in silence. Talk to your friends. Find out how they are doing every once in a while. It’ll take a minute but it can save a life. Everyone suffers. You may know how to deal with your demons but the next person doesn’t.

I never make outright resolutions because I learn and adopt as I live. I have goals just like you do but I believe living is also important. Discover. Travel. Open your horizons and have a holistic approach to life. The world has different kinds of people and each one brings something unique to the table. You don’t have to fit in. Be yourself but also be mindful of other people.

At times, take a break and hang out with yourself. You can live and be the life of the party but you’re not alive. Take a breather and evaluate yourself. Appreciate yourself a bit. Reward yourself and take your path. There’s no right path. You just need a reason to believe in the path you choose to follow.

Be nice. You don’t need to change the world to make a difference. Make a difference to one person. That can be your world. And if you can be the world to one person, take it with both hands. Make your year positive. Don’t focus too much on the negative and forget the only place you don’t want to test positive is in a lab.

At times you’ll feel like giving back the energy you get. And you’re warranted to feel that way on any given day. But you’ll need to have more negative energy to match negative vibes. The better option is to bounce off bad vibes with good vibes. It’s much more relaxing to spread joy and happiness. That is what your year should be like. Be happy and spread the happiness. The world needs it.

Life, all you’ve got

One of the scariest moments has to be feeling your pockets and can’t seem to find your phone. Your heart skipping a beat is an understatement. It will leap over walls and crash into your knees. More often than not you find your phone and enjoy those 15 seconds of your heart calibrating back to normalcy.

But sometimes, that’s not the case. You do your best to locate your phone and can’t seem to find it. It takes a while to accept and move on but you eventually do. Your phone is one of your most prized possessions. Not because of its value or aesthetics but simply because of the secrets and moments you’ve shared.

That’s why it almost always with you. Has a password. A wallpaper that speaks to you. Apps customized to your liking. It’s personal and nobody will ever get what the two of you share. Sometimes your phone is someone. A person you have grown fond of. Someone you love, cherish and want nothing but the best for.

Sadly, life follows the same path. You sometimes do things without thinking you may hurt or lose the person you cherish. That temporary loss can be anything from a break-up with someone you are in a relationship with to doing something strains the relationship you have with a loved one. It’s not permanent. There’s still an opportunity for you to make amends and straighten things out.

At other times, it’s the lost phone and you can’t salvage anything. You can cuss, cry, vent but it’ll never find its way back into your pocket. People are the most valuable assets beside time that we misuse. They say you never miss what you’ve got till it’s gone. That statement couldn’t be any more true.

A cycle technically means going back to where it started. Life starts and ends. You can see death coming from a mile away but nobody will ever prepare you for its impact when it hits. Death is a good and bad thing. It takes away suffering from one person and shifts it to another. The bright side is that you have time to get over loss. There’s no specified duration.

The reality is that grief is a personal experience. No matter how many people used your phone, they may never understand how it feels to lose it. You are never alone but you’re on your own. There’ll be those that will you see you through it all. Those that will walk you through it. But none that will feel the drag of getting through it.

It may seem like the world has suddenly forgotten but don’t take it to heart. The world has its own problems, it can only do so much. Take heart in the fact that tomorrow may be a better day. If not, the next day and the sequence continues. Always remember you hold your destiny in your hands, others can only help you achieve it.

You grieve in your own way and dictate the terms when it comes to getting over it. The most important thing is to appreciate the people around you. In time, all that will be left are memories and if you can’t get the best then you lost value for your time.

For anyone that has experienced loss, time is all you have. Time to accept. Time to heal. Time to pick up the pieces. Time to appreciate. Time to remember. Time to love. Time is all we’ve got.

RIP Herina ‘Nyarkodongo’ Oyugi

Catching up

They say the best things in life are free, but so are the worst. I’ve been offline for a while and I’ve seen darker days but not being able to write because I wasn’t motivated was one of the hardest things for me. I love writing and it may not be the best or interesting but it’s one of the ways I self-regulate.

In this period I’ve gone through changes and not just physically. The biggest adjustment other than starting a new job (Yeah, I move around) is that I’m pregnant. I know, it was a roller coaster of emotions for me when I found out as well, but just like Mary and other virgins before us, I accept this great responsibility. Well, I’m not like pregnant pregnant, my stomach has just outgrown my body. I look like a broken condom, free on the upper part, tight on the lower end.

Starting a new job just like any other new experience had its ups and downs. When I joined the organization (It’s a professional place), I had this serious feel around me. I had carried my Samuel L. Jackson to this place. I only smiled when hot tea was served and burned someone’s tongue or got outside the gate. But all that has changed now and I’ve met some really nice fellows, some nicer than others of course. And I’m on a diet as well.

In this period I’ve also realized fear can be a good thing or a bad thing. In my case, it’s an almost bad thing. One of the hardest things in life is being unable to achieve anything because of the fear of what if? The whole world can believe in you but if you don’t, it doesn’t count for anything. It simply means you lost a fight you were refereeing.

I can comfortably write about this because on more than one occasion, I’ve missed out on something big because of fear. Not that I was afraid of my capabilities. The fear stemmed from the fear of rejection. Fear of failure. How do I get back from failing? Do I just forget that someone said no when in all honesty I was the best?

The answer is yes! You get back up and move on. You can’t be afraid to achieve because of an obstacle. If Eve didn’t put the fear of the unknown to the side and take a bite of that apple, you wouldn’t have all these great experiences. In an ideal world where Eve said no, like all girls should to free drinks from strangers at the club, we would all be happy an overpopulated the earth.

But whether you believe in religion or not, is not the discussion here. It is about living in the moment and appreciating every experience you have. The bad ones are not supposed to be looked at as lessons only. You’re free to sulk and be down because something went south. Emotion has no logical explanation and you don’t need to justify it to anyone.

Enjoy the great moments. Don’t dwell to long on either of these situations though and forget to live. Your primary goal in life is to live. How you live it is up to you. Find something that you love to do, even if it’s a person and do that. Have you ever heard of the phrase life is too short? Well, it is very short. One minute you’re being given boobs for free, the next you need to convince someone why you’re the right person to show it to.

And that is life. An opportunity lost is not the end of things. I’d like to use people like Lincoln as examples but you don’t want to exercise power over people in the free world do you? You probably just want to sit back in some exotic location, spend time travelling, learning new things and creating memories. And that’s what you should do. We live too cautiously only to die. And for what? To enjoy retirement? I am guilty of working and forgetting the little pleasures in life. I still run out of money at the end or close to the end of the month and I have no stories to tell. That’s not how I should live.

I don’t want to regret. Think of what could’ve been. I want to ask a girl out on a date. Something out of the normal. Drink ourselves silly and uber home because I’m responsible and still don’t own a car. Life is an adventure and you are the Zach Galifianakis of it. Nobody has rehearsed for anything life has up it’s dirty, rugged sleeves. Feel free to try out new things and if they don’t work out, try something else.

Live without hating and spewing negative energy. You are not a dragon or a cat. Live and love. And it’s okay not to love as well, but hating people takes too much energy away from you. It’s however, allowed to hate the fact that Liverpool fans laugh at Arsenal, yet they don’t know how it feels like to see a Merseyside club lift the Premier League trophy. And kindly note, the current Premier League system started in 1992.

So as you welcome a new month and plan what you’re going to do next year at the same time, do something today as well. It won’t hurt. And get yourself something to drink.

 

The Code of Conduct

I’m sure in the short or semi-long life you’ve lived, a few codes of conduct have been thrown around. Perhaps even more important that the constitution might be Bro Code. This is an elaborate manual of how bros shall conduct themselves around each other. In case you have no idea, I outlined some here, you can always follow up.

I however, realized not everyone is a bro. So what happens when a bro who is not really a bro claims you have gone against the code? Do you suffer the consequences or do you get a pass? These are grey areas that need to be addressed and who better to set standards for communication that a keeper of codes?

A female can be a bro, after vetting

It has come to our attention that some bros from the fairer sex have been denied Bro status despite meeting all the set standards. Let’s make this clear, a bro is someone who comes through in tough times and what’s a harder time than a dry spell?

If a sister can deliver and lob you an Ozil-like pass in these treacherous times, she has more than qualified to be a bro. Some alleged bros feel their hunger pangs are supernatural and will never extend a favour even when in possession of a full platter.

A bro shall be of any sex as long as they come through.

A bro shall not depend on females for money

Let’s put it this way, if you were dead broke and there was nothing left in your chamber of coins, you shall die as a man. It is stated in the broble that a lady shall not give you money and forget. She will always remind you even when it has nothing to do with the money. Some alleged bros have also made it a habit to live off ladies, you are no longer bros.

The only exception when getting cash requisitions from the opposite sex is given to the following groups; your mother, sister and grandmother. Even if the lady is a bro, don’t do it. You never know when she might decide to turn back.

Bros still do not carry handbags

The bro code does not allow you to carry a handbag, even if it belongs to your mother. Handbags are made for ladies and it should remain as that. Even as Valentine’s Day approaches and you want to impress that lady that’s denied you access to her panties, this is not allowed. This is why equity is more important that equality.

There are always scenarios where you may have to carry this accessory. In the event that your mother or sister wants to give you money and the bag is a significant distance away, you can deliver it. If you’re with your girl in a dangerous area. You however, have to carry it in a plastic bag. In the event your significant other blacks out and in this case you need to admit her to a rehab centre.

Bros shall not lie about a conquest to intimidate bros

A new trend that has emerged is of bros earning script writing and editing skills without attending any professional institution. Some bros have made it a habit to always exaggerate conquests or imagine them for the less fortunate.

A bro that lies about a conquest shall not only be disbanded for a given period (depending on the severity). This act may push weaker or less lucky bros to depression and it would not be for a valid cause as stated in the broble.

A bro shall always pay their debt

Bros who do not pay debts may have to go back to the friend zone. A crop of bros has risen from the tribe of Judas that do not like paying debts. A bro is obligated to help a bro in the event of an emergency but only if the needy bro has a good track record of filing returns.

A bro that has a poor credit score shall always be met with the dreadful, “I’m not in a good place right now.” Make it your goal as a bro to always keep your word and other bros shall have no issue handing over their hard earned money.

 

 

The little things

It’s been a while since I got mind clear to write anything that wouldn’t sound weird but I realized I always write unorthodox things so why not. I’m still the same age I was on December 31st so I’m not really a year older yet but I wish you all the best in 2017. In the time I’ve been away from my blog a lot has happened.

So I went on holiday and I came back with a few stories. First is the saying, you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. My cousin happens to be a doctor and when we’re bored, I like listening to random stories about his patients. So, one evening we’re talking and cancer comes up and he started giggling. Not, the school girl giggle, the grown man one where you let out chuckles. It was manly, trust me.

After inquiring he goes on to tell me about the story of a guy who passed away from penile cancer. It sounds very cruel, but give it time, it takes a completely different turn of events. Well, the story goes like this. A guy is brought to the hospital with advanced penile cancer and the only option is to dismember his most loyal member.

The guys went through all the pep talk of why he needed to do it if he was to enjoy more days on this our barren earth. After weighing the pros and cons, it occurred to him there was more to life than a boner. I mean, you can still feel that tiny throb even if the key instrument is missing. So he went ahead with the surgery.

Guess what? He survived and was in his room recovering when the anesthesia wore off. As a man, you’re taught to face your fears and he most certainly did. He lifted his cover, took a peek and remembered how his wife liked being on all fours even when not cleaning the house. He let out a loud yelp and collapsed on his bed.

What would you do if you woke up and found your manhood missing?

And just like that, Wuon Ng’ane was no more. I burst out laughing as well but I sort of got where he was coming from. Picture a scenario where he asks his wife for something and she replies with a, “No wonder you don’t have a penis.” That can take the last breath from any man, even the former ones. No offence Caitlyn.

I also managed to face one of my fears over Christmas. Well, I didn’t necessarily face it willingly, but I still did. Anyone that knows me, will tell you large water bodies and I do not appear in the same sentence. So last year, my cousin invited us to her place since she was opening a new house, which was just beautiful. I mean, it had a bar inside and yeah, it had a bar with the stools and everything. That’s all you need to make a house attractive scientifically.

The distance between her home and ours is about 230km so we had a journey on our hands. The logical thing would have been to follow the set road and get to our destination. But no, my uncle had this random idea that we should use the ferry because it took less time and would have been scenic.

On the way there, the old man decides we can’t get to our destination early so we made a detour to this resort on Rusinga Island. It’s set on a picturesque slope that runs down to the lake. The cottages are the simplest things you’ll come across and you could tell a lot of thought was put into building them.

One of the cottages at Wayando Beach Eco Lodge

The owner is an American lady who was married to a guy from the area and she decided to relocate there even after her partner’s passing. It made me think, would I have done the same? Moved to Los Angeles and start a business there? Since you’ve insisted, I think I would.

Time came for us to get to the other side of the lake and I was not enthusiastic at all. One, the company in-charge of the ferries had the most incompetent employees and did I mention I don’t like large water bodies? You have to reverse your car into the ferry, sounds easy but not when a random old guy has puppies stuffed in a carton box and doesn’t want to move.

This was the moment of truth

As a driver, I was at liberty to stay in the vessel and I gladly chose to do that. I didn’t like it one bit. It took a whole 45 minutes and I couldn’t see where I was going. At one point it was just the wind, hyacinth and the lady in the next car checking me out until she fell asleep and started snoring.  We did get to the other side unscathed but I chose to use the longer route on the way back.

What happens when this thing runs out of fuel here?

I spent twelve days in the village and I came to appreciate a few things. Family is one. They may annoy you and get on your nerves at times but some of the best memories I have are with family. Like my grandmother telling me drinking whisky will “Mak ii ka chieth!” loosely translating to it will churn my stomach like shit.

It’s another year and I honestly have no resolutions. I treat each day exclusively. I will rate my achievements gradually. You need to appreciate the smaller things in life (Like your penis) in order to get the bigger picture. So far, it’s not been a bad year, except for the doctor’s strike which is a tricky subject depending on what side of the paycheck you’re seated.

I also got a message from a lovely lady that told me she likes my writing. She may have been paid by my mother for all I know but it was still a good thing. Get checked for cancer early enough and keep it 87+3 whenever you can, because keeping 100 is too mainstream.

One man can make a difference

In life every experience is a lesson and I’m a good student, you can ask anyone that shared a class with me in University. I’m those students that have five different types of pens and divide my notes according to the lecturer and their mood. My notes got people A’s. Of course they can’t step up and say, “You my G are the real MVP.” They’d rather take that shine, but I’m good, I’m beaming.

So, in the past month or two I’ve been really quiet and haven’t really posted anything. I’d blame writer’s block but honestly, I lacked inspiration. I didn’t have anything that made me want to sit down in my cotton-white white boxers, with a glass of red wine and just jot down my thoughts. Every time I got myself in a position to write, I would jot down two lines and that was it.

My front desk mate at work kept on pressuring me to write and even went to the extent of calling me to write when I was on holiday. She’s got a lot of nerve but she also triggered a lot of thought in me. I’ve seen a lot happen over the days. Just today in the morning, a friend lost his daughter. You try your best to find something appropriate to say but what can you say?

“I’m sorry, she’s in a better place? That was God’s plan?” I haven’t talked to him and doubt I’ll be saying anything any time soon but I feel his pain. And that is partly what made me want to write. I remember this one post I wrote in 2013 and I was at a very low point in my life. I wrote it as a diary, not necessarily target to lift anyone or anything along those lines.

One lady called me after that and we talked at length about what I was experiencing. She was going through a hard time and my post spoke directly to her. I have the ‘Scopare il mondo. Salvare la tua anima’ mentality. However, when you can help one person have a good day, isn’t that good thing? So I decided I’ll write today. I don’t know what my subject is but I’m just going with the flow, the words will come as I go on.

I’ve been brought up around a close knit family so I value friendship, loyalty and respect. In the recent past I’ve been in situations where I’ve done things that I had no responsibility doing but did them anyway. What I’ve come to understand is that we’re not all the same. Some people will show you gratitude for what you offer while others will not.

But does that mean I should change and stop helping people because a few people couldn’t show gratitude? I would but I wouldn’t live in comfort knowing I could’ve done something but chose to do nothing. Over time you may realize, it’s the small things that matter. You can have money but you will barely ever have the most money.

Happiness is innate. You derive your joy from within and that’s what most of us have failed to grasp. We rely on other people to give you joy. When was the last time you enjoyed your own company? Just sat by yourself and did something you love for your own satisfaction? If I said one more time that I’m not in a relationship, you’d think I’m advertising my singlehood. Well, I am but that’s beside the point.

I see people suffer and sacrifice more than they need to for relationships to work. The word doesn’t even have real in it so most people do it just for the cameras and likes. Companionship needs more than love and posting your significant other as an MCM or WCW. It needs you to know there’s an equal distribution good as bad with anyone.

I don’t picture perfection in any situation but I have visions of ideal situations. A situation where you treat other people with the respect they deserve and not manipulate or take advantage of them. It may not work in a capitalistic world where everyone is interested in their own wellbeing even if it comes at the expense of other people.

What’s really sad is that most people would rather play the victim nowadays. You’d rather shift blame to someone else to avoid taking responsibility. It’s always some else’s fault which begs the question, what is your responsibility?

The sooner you learn you are not just on the world but of the world the better. Play your part in building a better society and spreading a smile to different faces across the globe. You just like the next person are good at something. It may not be raking in any money bit it can make a difference.

Try cutting your pinky off and see how efficient your hand will be. I bet you’re not so willing to take the risk but you know you’ll lose almost half of your hand’s functionality. So what makes you think that even without being the most outspoken figure, you can’t make a difference?

Don’t give anyone the power to determine your happiness. People will disappoint you and make excuses for their own failures. But there are people who will also uplift you and show you the good side of humanity we barely get to see.

It’s a matter of perspective and you choose what you want to see. If something bad happens, take your time, deal with it in your own way and find a way to get past it. Time is the only true healer. I’ve ranted a lot but I think I needed to just note down what was in my head and put it out there.

I also don’t think Hillary lost because she’s a woman like everyone is trying to portray it. Trump may not have been your favourite but he was elected in a legally due process and the least you can do is give him time to succeed or fail. The power lies in your hands, you just need to show how badly you want it.

 

When they come in between you

“I’m not sure this is working out,” said Turner as Shirley sat on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He walked out of the door with tears in his eyes knowing it was either him or her. Turner and Shirley had been dating for two years but their relationship had hit a rocky patch and despite everything they tried, things always seemed to get worse.

They met in their final year of college and instantly took to liking each other. Tim was mango; soft on the outside but rough on the inside. He was always calm on normal occasions but he would occasionally let the rough side come out.

Shirley on the other hand was a free spirit. A very decent lady who was easy to get along with. She did her best to make everyone happy and was everyone’s favourite. Their friendship was based on the fact that both of them came from low points in their lives and found comfort in putting a smile on each other’s faces.

Their friendship grew over the course of time and so did their trust in each other. At first, it was nothing more than mutual concern for each other’s wellbeing. Shirley was concerned that Turner had was too aloof with his emotions and barely let anyone get past the basics of knowing him. She was concerned that he was suffering in silence and it was affecting his social life.

Turner on the other hand was interested in Shirley because he felt she was not fulfilling her full potential. She was always doing her best not to offend anyone and in the end she would end up getting hurt. He had seen this before and had been on the opposite end of the spectrum. He knew what it felt like to hurt someone and see their life spiral out of control.

In Shirley, he saw a lady that would take him to heights he had not experienced before. She was calm, focused, beautiful and made him appreciate the little things in life. She had been through a lot in her life but you couldn’t tell from the smile she always showed the world. Turner saw the smile and all the possibilities that were behind that smile.

Shirley liked Turner for who he was. He was a bit younger than her but they found comfort in each other. Over time, they grew closer and all those hugs and laughter turned to a kiss goodbye and sharing of great moments together. Things were taking their course and you could tell these two were meant to be together.

Both valued their privacy and kept their exploits under wraps. They didn’t want anyone to know what they were up to and kept their secret between them. Things were going well for the two and there was nothing but love between them. For a while, nothing could go wrong because it was always what they meant to each other that mattered.

After graduating college, they both found themselves in different industries. Turner found himself in the media industry and Shirley was in the marketing field. These were environments they had not been exposed to in their lives. They were both on field assignment and this meant they had to spend time apart.

The distance didn’t make much difference in the beginning because they would always yearn for each other. Their romance grew as they would be happy to see each other and would tear the place apart. Time was beginning to bring some distance between them though. Turner was always working late and would not find adequate time to spend with Shirley.

Shirley didn’t find any problem in him not being around and always did her best to make herself available. At work, Turner was having a hard time at all the staff parties keeping to himself to avoid putting himself in a precarious situation. He would stay up late, barely drink and head home. He kept this up for a while but he finally caved in.

He would go out with his colleagues on a regular basis and found comfort in his assignment partner, Mish. She was in a relationship with a business man who was barely around. She would confide in Turner and tell him about her love life. Turner would listen to her and they found themselves spending more time together.

Whenever they worked late, they would have a glass or two of scotch before heading home. One night, Mish was very uneasy. She kept on checking her phone and was absent minded. “What’s up today?” asked Turner as he handed her a glass of scotch. “It’s nothing.” She replied still looking at her phone. “Come on. It’s me. You know you can tell me anything.” He said as she put her phone aside.

“Well, it’s my wedding anniversary and my husband hasn’t even sent me a message,” she replied as tears rolled down her cheeks. Turner sat on her desk facing and placed his glass on her desk. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be back,” he said with a smile. He ran out of the office and came back with a gift in his hand.

“Happy anniversary!” She took the unexpected gift and her eyes were filled with tears. “When did you get this?” she asked amid sobs. “I listen,” he replied as he embraced her. They spent the night drinking and headed home at almost dawn.

Turner walked into the house and Shirley was waiting for him. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick? Couldn’t you even have called?” Turner couldn’t explain the fact that he had spent the night out with someone’s wife on her anniversary while his girlfriend spent the night worrying about him.

That was the beginning of their problems. Mish would call Turner anytime she felt lonely and he would heed her call. His actions made him and Shirley drift apart. Suddenly, the fun filled sex escapades were replaced by arguments and mistrust.

Shirley started drifting from Turner and their affection was slowly being washed down the drain. She couldn’t understand how Turner could forget where they came from because of a stranger. Turner on the other hand couldn’t understand how the person he’d opened up to didn’t trust him enough to be on his own.

On the fateful day, Turner was working late and it had skipped his mind that he and Shirley were supposed to have dinner. She called his phone and Mish answered. Shirley felt that Turner had crossed the line and betrayed her. She called a friend over because she needed someone to talk to.

As they sat at the dining table, she started crying. Her friend went over to her and hugged her. As he leaned in looking into her eyes, Turner walked in. He froze and dropped his laptop bag. He picked up his bag, walked past them and went to the bedroom. Shirley’s friend left and she went into the bedroom.

“How could you?” She asked with tears in her eyes. Turner didn’t utter a word as he packed a pair of boxers, socks and a t-shirt in his bag. He was burning with rage but he loved Shirley to much too let it show. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” she shouted following him into the living room. “I’m not sure this is working out,” said Turner as Shirley sat on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He walked out of the door with tears in his eyes knowing it was either him or her.