Tag Archives: love

Dreams

A dream is a defined as a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep. But what happens when you experience your dream? It gives you a sense of satisfaction in most cases not achievable. You dwell in your own world knowing you’re pulling the strings and calling the shots. You can cut when you please and roll one scene multiple times.

Sometimes, however, our dreams turn into nightmares. The source of so much joy and pleasure threatens to be the same thing that shatters your world into the ugly face of reality. I feel like I’m waking up from a dream I never thought would end. Not one of those majestic swan-like mornings you see in music videos. This is the ‘I’m drowning and don’t know how to swim’ waking up.

The kind of dream where you wake up gasping for air. It’s not a pretty sight. There are very many things you can rationalize but one thing I have struggled to put logic behind is emotion. Why do people love? Why do people hate? What brings about sadness? Some scientist somewhere may provide some chemical equations with hormones but I would rather stick to a basic approach.

Love is a beautiful thing. It shakes the very core of your existence. It’s a feeling that has no uniform description. It’s a pure feeling. One that comes free of selfish interests. It takes away power and gives you freedom. You get to feel and see life in another person’s eyes. The beautiful thing about love is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be mirrored. Love is about how you feel, not how you respond to the way another person feels about you. It’s not Newton’s Third Law.

It’s a beautiful feeling, but sometimes a draining one. Love may take away from you more than it gives. It may be the reason you suffer. Love may be the primary reason for your pain but that doesn’t make it any less of a beautiful feeling. Sometimes love becomes toxic and the only option to let go.

Letting go is not a sign of weakness. At times you fight for something that will kill you. It’s not in your best interest. Live knowing that the world is vast and experiences are all that await. You can lose today and find another reason to fight tomorrow. The aim is not to win. It’s to live happily. Enjoy the years you spend on this planet and make the most of it.

Losing someone you love is like waking up from a bad dream. You struggle to get things together at first but in time gather the courage to fall asleep again. It’s okay to break down and gather your pieces slowly. We’ve been conditioned to believe loss is a good thing. It’s not a good thing. There’s no better place to be than with those that love you.

Just like waking up from a bad dream, find the inner peace and courage to close your eyes and rediscover a reason to live. The will to live after loss is greater than any other feeling. Make your life your best dream. Share love and don’t expect much in return. Don’t kill yourself trying to spread love but don’t live miserably denying yourself the feeling either. Live to experience and learn.

We only have one lifetime to do what we can. Don’t live miserably because no one makes it out alive.

When they come in between you

“I’m not sure this is working out,” said Turner as Shirley sat on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He walked out of the door with tears in his eyes knowing it was either him or her. Turner and Shirley had been dating for two years but their relationship had hit a rocky patch and despite everything they tried, things always seemed to get worse.

They met in their final year of college and instantly took to liking each other. Tim was mango; soft on the outside but rough on the inside. He was always calm on normal occasions but he would occasionally let the rough side come out.

Shirley on the other hand was a free spirit. A very decent lady who was easy to get along with. She did her best to make everyone happy and was everyone’s favourite. Their friendship was based on the fact that both of them came from low points in their lives and found comfort in putting a smile on each other’s faces.

Their friendship grew over the course of time and so did their trust in each other. At first, it was nothing more than mutual concern for each other’s wellbeing. Shirley was concerned that Turner had was too aloof with his emotions and barely let anyone get past the basics of knowing him. She was concerned that he was suffering in silence and it was affecting his social life.

Turner on the other hand was interested in Shirley because he felt she was not fulfilling her full potential. She was always doing her best not to offend anyone and in the end she would end up getting hurt. He had seen this before and had been on the opposite end of the spectrum. He knew what it felt like to hurt someone and see their life spiral out of control.

In Shirley, he saw a lady that would take him to heights he had not experienced before. She was calm, focused, beautiful and made him appreciate the little things in life. She had been through a lot in her life but you couldn’t tell from the smile she always showed the world. Turner saw the smile and all the possibilities that were behind that smile.

Shirley liked Turner for who he was. He was a bit younger than her but they found comfort in each other. Over time, they grew closer and all those hugs and laughter turned to a kiss goodbye and sharing of great moments together. Things were taking their course and you could tell these two were meant to be together.

Both valued their privacy and kept their exploits under wraps. They didn’t want anyone to know what they were up to and kept their secret between them. Things were going well for the two and there was nothing but love between them. For a while, nothing could go wrong because it was always what they meant to each other that mattered.

After graduating college, they both found themselves in different industries. Turner found himself in the media industry and Shirley was in the marketing field. These were environments they had not been exposed to in their lives. They were both on field assignment and this meant they had to spend time apart.

The distance didn’t make much difference in the beginning because they would always yearn for each other. Their romance grew as they would be happy to see each other and would tear the place apart. Time was beginning to bring some distance between them though. Turner was always working late and would not find adequate time to spend with Shirley.

Shirley didn’t find any problem in him not being around and always did her best to make herself available. At work, Turner was having a hard time at all the staff parties keeping to himself to avoid putting himself in a precarious situation. He would stay up late, barely drink and head home. He kept this up for a while but he finally caved in.

He would go out with his colleagues on a regular basis and found comfort in his assignment partner, Mish. She was in a relationship with a business man who was barely around. She would confide in Turner and tell him about her love life. Turner would listen to her and they found themselves spending more time together.

Whenever they worked late, they would have a glass or two of scotch before heading home. One night, Mish was very uneasy. She kept on checking her phone and was absent minded. “What’s up today?” asked Turner as he handed her a glass of scotch. “It’s nothing.” She replied still looking at her phone. “Come on. It’s me. You know you can tell me anything.” He said as she put her phone aside.

“Well, it’s my wedding anniversary and my husband hasn’t even sent me a message,” she replied as tears rolled down her cheeks. Turner sat on her desk facing and placed his glass on her desk. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be back,” he said with a smile. He ran out of the office and came back with a gift in his hand.

“Happy anniversary!” She took the unexpected gift and her eyes were filled with tears. “When did you get this?” she asked amid sobs. “I listen,” he replied as he embraced her. They spent the night drinking and headed home at almost dawn.

Turner walked into the house and Shirley was waiting for him. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick? Couldn’t you even have called?” Turner couldn’t explain the fact that he had spent the night out with someone’s wife on her anniversary while his girlfriend spent the night worrying about him.

That was the beginning of their problems. Mish would call Turner anytime she felt lonely and he would heed her call. His actions made him and Shirley drift apart. Suddenly, the fun filled sex escapades were replaced by arguments and mistrust.

Shirley started drifting from Turner and their affection was slowly being washed down the drain. She couldn’t understand how Turner could forget where they came from because of a stranger. Turner on the other hand couldn’t understand how the person he’d opened up to didn’t trust him enough to be on his own.

On the fateful day, Turner was working late and it had skipped his mind that he and Shirley were supposed to have dinner. She called his phone and Mish answered. Shirley felt that Turner had crossed the line and betrayed her. She called a friend over because she needed someone to talk to.

As they sat at the dining table, she started crying. Her friend went over to her and hugged her. As he leaned in looking into her eyes, Turner walked in. He froze and dropped his laptop bag. He picked up his bag, walked past them and went to the bedroom. Shirley’s friend left and she went into the bedroom.

“How could you?” She asked with tears in her eyes. Turner didn’t utter a word as he packed a pair of boxers, socks and a t-shirt in his bag. He was burning with rage but he loved Shirley to much too let it show. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” she shouted following him into the living room. “I’m not sure this is working out,” said Turner as Shirley sat on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He walked out of the door with tears in his eyes knowing it was either him or her.

 

 

Everyone Falls

It started with sight,

Saw her beautiful eyes,

Her lips glistened in the sun,

Her white teeth caught my attention,

Everyone falls at one point.


I said hi,

She was shy,

Not too willing to let it out at first,

She held back,

But everyone falls.


A hi turned to a handshake,

A handshake to a shared laugh,

The shared laugh to texts,

The texts to an occasional hug,

But we all fall at times.


Went from talking a few times a day,

To spending time together,

Everything was fine,

Time was taking its course,

Was this the time to fall?


Shared an interest in each other,

Wanted the best for each other,

But probably weren’t best for each other,

Only time would tell,

We were on our knees.


Cracks started to emerge,

Faults on a smooth surface,

Rough on the outside,

Breaking down inside,

Is this what happens when you fall?


But everyone falls sometime,

It’s not a crime,

We let emotion take its course,

Made the best of what we had,

But you can fall out as easily as you fell in.

 

In pursuit of love

Go after what you love,

It’s all worth it in the end,

Face your fears,

The greatest fear is your fear,

So they said.


I went after what I loved,

Pursued it to the world ends,

Sacrificed my life,

Gave it to my love,

Pursue your love they said.


Almost caught up,

But she wasn’t in the mood,

I had to procrastinate my love,

Shelve it for another day,

All in pursuit of love.


I finally caught up,

She in the right frame of mind,

Ready to kick things off,

Make us a thing,

Pronounce our love to the world.


I loved her,

So I let her go,

Because love isn’t a science,

There’s no perfect time,

Love waits for no man.

 

When love hurts

Sometimes I’m indecisive,

I like you then forget you,

It’s never about me,

Sometimes it’s you,

We still have time.


You ignite a flame inside me,

At times it’s warm,

At other times it burns me,

I got used to it,

I have nothing but time.


Will you ever leave me?

Is this love or something like it?

Your confidence turned to arrogance,

I can’t tell if you don’t know or are ignorant,

It’s time we sat down.


You talk about love,

Like it a commodity at the store,

Put in your shopping cart,

And return it if you can’t afford it,

Did you forget about our time together?


Is the art bigger than the artist?

What if the trade stifles the trader?

What happens when love kills the lover?

Takes the very essence of its existence,

And time is all you have.


They said I’d be free in love,

But I lost more than I gained,

But love is about sacrifices, right?

You give and expect nothing in return,

But what about my time?

 

Convenience is all about perspective

“I take you, to be my lawfully wedded wife. In sickness and in health, in riches and in poverty, till death do us part.” I’m not sure that’s how the vows go but it’s along that line. I’ve not been to many weddings in my life. Partly because the people I know barely get married and the ones that do, share their wedding invitations when I have other commitments, like learning how to swim or have a dance-off with my god daughter.

I’m not big on Western weddings for a number of reasons, the major one being the cost implication against posterity. However, that’s not an issue I want to discuss because I may end up ruining my chances of being invited for future weddings. My issue is with the vows and understanding your roles. Do you understand the implication of the words you utter or is it just a phase to you?

The divorce rate in Kenya isn’t as high as Western countries because of the mere fact that court processes drag on for years and most people don’t have the finances to see their cases through; so they end up separating amicably. The number of separated homes in Kenya is soaring by the day from generations born in the 60s and earlier to those born in the 80s. The sad thing is that most of these people recited those vows.

This year alone I’ve seen videos of domestic abuse on Facebook more than enough times. One time is enough and I’ve seen those videos more than once. I’ve learnt something from interacting with people older than me and that is called, separation of issues. I’m not a Psychology major and having done one or two units in the said field doesn’t make me an expert in analyzing behaviours and all that Dexter stuff.

I however, know plenty about human interaction from experience. Have you ever wondered what goes through a persons mind when they take up a knife or rod and attack someone they vowed to love through thick and thin? Does it happen overnight? Is there any form of justification? Isn’t there an easier way out of the situation than violence? What led love to this?

I rarely involve myself in marital or intimate relationship discussion. This is because my uncle once told me, “Two people that sleep together know how to sort their issues out. If you get involved, you’ll be the only loser in the end.” At first, I never took his words seriously but as years go by, I can clearly see his words coming to pass. I’m not a violent person and always believe there’s always a multitude of options before violence.

Why are domestic cases a common scenario? What are communities, societies and relevant authorities doing about it? Is it time for stern action to be considered? I’ve seen a number of videos and there’s one thing I cannot fail to mention; double standards. A video of a man being beaten by a group of women using wooden rods was doing rounds on the internet. Going through the comment section made me question humanity.

For decades now, people have been fighting for affirmative action. Different groups have been clamouring for equality among both sexes in various aspects. That is until you see how issues among both sexes are treated. When the video of the man was doing rounds, most of the comments were, “He deserves it for cheating on the girl.” “What kind of man is this?” “These are the type of men we have today!” Nobody stopped for a minute to think these are the type of men society has brought up and continues to bring up.

If the same video was of a group of men hitting a woman for cheating on the husband, the reaction would have been totally different. “Why can’t he just leave?” “What kind of men gang up on a woman?” “Men are animals?” Why the double standards? Are we not fighting for equality? Or does equality only come into play when it’s about education and money? I don’t support violence of any kind unless it’s your profession.

This is the kind of frustration that makes its way into marriage. You look at yourself as the provider and want to run your family like an absolute monarch. You presume you have dominion over whoever has the lower pay. When did it get to this? Is respect all about who brings more to the table? Shouldn’t equity be what is being preached? Equity is giving your daughter who is 3 years older than your son more pocket money because her needs tend to be more demanding. Equality is giving them the same amount because they are both your children.

You see where I’m going with this? Marriage as an institution is losing its value because it’s no longer about equity but equality. My wife is close with her male boss so I’ll cheat on her with her friend. What gives? It’s not always about give and take. Sometimes you give expecting nothing in return. When you say till death do us part, does it mean you go through suffering, abuse and torment to your death? Or are you just saying it because it’s a norm?

How many times will you take a cheating partner back for the sake of your kids? How many times will you wear make-up to conceal the black eye you always have on Monday mornings? How many times will you avoid going for swimming with your friends because your back looks like a skid mark? These are the type of questions marriage vows never tackle. A donkey breaks its back at one point and what good is a donkey if it can’t work?

The sad truth is that conformity has blinded us to what is really true in our lives. We want to do because that’s the way it’s always been done. That doesn’t necessarily make it right. I cannot say today’s men are weak compared to their fathers because that is what society has taught them. I can also not say today’s women are not humble like their mothers because they’ve been exposed to different standards and world views. When you say you’re independent, do you understand the gravity of the word you’re using?

I have no children yet and do not foresee any in the near future. However, if and when I have my own, I will teach them about equity. I want them to know they are not and will never be equal. I want to teach them about justice and make them understand that they should not conform for the sake of fitting in. I want to teach them about diversity and make them understand we all have different roles to play and none should be looked down upon.

You’re not any less of a woman because you are able to balance your career and family. You’re not any less of a man either because your wife earns more than you do or you pull your weight behind her in the household. Society has fought so hard to get rid of stereotypes only to impute others. Just like every relationship is different, so is marriage. Find a partner that improves you and make vows you know you can keep. Marriage is a partnership that only works when both parties put in collective effort.

You may find yourself floating against the tide when you stand up for what you believe in but if you’re the same person that says, “I’m not doing this for anyone,” you won’t mind being different but comfortable in your truth. People will ask you to be unique but expect you to do what has always been done. Approach your relationships and marriage like an essay. No two essays can be the same even if they have the same ending or beginning. Be the difference in your life. Say no to discrimination and gender based violence. Pain knows no sex.

You’ve probably fallen in love at some point in your life or had a feeling that felt something close to love. It’s normal even if you don’t admit it. I have felt this way about someone or two before in my life before and I have never kept it a secret that if I fall in love I’m the break a leg a kind. I enjoy every moment of it and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not an expert when it comes to love or intimate relationships but I know plenty about how humans relate. All this is purely from  observation and socialization.

The question is can I love more than one person at one time? Even in love there are things you don’t like about the person you love. If I can have more than one kid and love them equally, what makes it so different when it comes to an adult? Don’t run away beautiful girl, these are all hypothetical questions and I’m not assured of finding two females that I can love.

Every individual is unique in their own right. Even identical twins have very distinct behaviours and tendencies. For the people that watch football, you know there’s a reason you may be a Manchester United fanatic but still appreciate the way Arsenal goes about their football. I actually do appreciate the way Arsenal has been playing this season.

So when I meet you at the club and I say hi, I still don’t know you. There are four different scenarios that may take place. One, I may convince you or you may want to go home with me. I prefer taking you home because at your place there are all types of shenanigans that may go down. Your sponsor may walk in even before I bust my morning nut and I’d have to hide with your malnourished puppy under the bed. I may also meet a girl I know there, or better yet, an aunt. There are too many risks involved.

Two, I may take you number and we’ll get to know each over days or weeks depending on how much you can keep a conversation going. And yes, a guy can sleep with you and the first night and not call you ever or even take your number. He can also fall in love. It’s not a Science that has a theory behind it.  Three I may take you number and lose interest within the first week. It’s never personal, you’ve seen things that caught your attention but you forgot as soon as you walked out the store.

Lastly, I can take your number and never use it. Those are the random calls you get after 4 months and a guy is trying to remind you of the time you were in a dress that used to fit you. Why I’m I telling you about these scenarios? Well, I still don’t know but I thought I’d forget so this was one of the only ways to document them.

I like girls for different reasons. Some girls have billboard faces and that’s what appeals to me at that time. Other girls have artistic bodies and I’m a sucker for curves, hopefully it’s not around your abdomen or face. Some girls are very intelligent and you can engage them on a variety of topics without losing interest at any given point. Some girls were raised in amusement parks and can do things you see on pornhub only. At times, they come with a combination of these skills.

As a human with a very timid level of concentration, I adopt to the conditions I find myself in. Do I intend to hurt these girls? Of course not. I’m a decent guy who drinks out of a glass and pee on all the stains in the toilet. I’m not very sure of the physiological or psychological composition of the human so I can’t say men were wired that way. I’ve met girls who have sex with men for fun and I know most men can separate their emotions from sex so it gets a bit tricky.

The problem arises when you use emotion to get sex. Flattery and flirting isn’t emotion ladies. I’m talking about the guys who promise ladies their parents will be receiving a flock of cattle and birds by the end of the year. Now that is wrong. There are two things you do when you use such techniques to get a girl to bed. You distort her stand on men and that can work in two ways. She’ll despise men or will throw herself at the next guy and thereafter to fill the void you left.

When you use emotion to get sex, you not only mess the girl up, you mess up for people like us who haven’t settled yet. I don’t want to fix your mistakes son. These are the kind of girls that want to check up on everything I’m doing and accompany everywhere just because they don’t trust men to walk alone. The way dogs are treated nowadays. What happened to dogs having the freedom to associate and bite whoever they pleased? I don’t want to be on a leash. That’s what you do boy when you tell her you love her just to get in her pants.

Again, ladies, when you say men are dogs; that’s a compliment to some of us because dogs are known to be very loyal. And DMX made calling your homies dogs very cool. He even barks in his songs and has a signature growl. Do you girls love dogs? I’ve always advocated for separation of issues. What one guy or lady does to you is not a representation of an entire species. We aren’t in a cult, so unless you’re dating someone in a cult; then don’t expect the same treatment from people who aren’t in your cult.

Whatever attracts you to one person or more, depending on the size of your heart, is custom tailored. Have you heard that you should never try solving a problem between two lovers? You’ll end up taking one party’s side and when things work out, you’ll be the asshole that almost messed up a good thing. Keep out and let the courts or people who were involved in the marriage negotiations sort it out.

I may just have given you life’s hack to relationships and I haven’t even been able to sustain a stable internet connection for an hour straight. Something about prophets not being accepted at home. In other news, I got Netflix. So, I’m not really a screen freak and prefer to look at people in the face than watch movies or series. It’s a good thing though. I finally watched the full Hangover movie, the first one. I missed the part where Tyson punched Zach Galifianakis. Don’t get it if you haven’t got a girlfriend yet though, because you’ll end up chilling for a decade and wake up old, grey and stuck to your sheets because you had nobody to chill with.

 

The pain of joy (Part 2 of 2)

“Where’s that little bastard?” barked Monica’s father. “Tell me! Where is he?” Monica had never seen her father so riled in her entire life. For the second time in less than 24 hours, she was struggling to get words out of her mouth because of a man; only that this time it was in a less desirable situation. “You will tell me who that kid was one way or another! And you’re not leaving this house till I say so!” he shouted before banging the door behind him.

By the time Monica could muster enough strength to get out of bed to see if Tim had jumped through the window safely, he was in his room trembling. “What the fuck did I get myself into?” he mumbled as his fingers twitched trying to roll a blunt. He didn’t know whether to call Monica and or barricade himself inside his room. He opted for the latter.

“Where’s your mum?” asked Monica’s father after calming down. “Is this what she puts you through every time I’m gone?” Monica was torn between covering for her mum whom she had a close relationship with or try and salvage what was left of her parent’s marriage. “I asked you a question young lady!” asked her father, seemingly angry.

“I don’t know where she is. She left last night and said she’d be back but I guess she didn’t come back.” replied Monica in between tears. She could see the rage on her father’s face. He walked out of the room and she could hear him make a call from the other room. He walked back into the room and sat across her. “Get dressed.” She calmly walked to her room and prepared herself.

A short while later she was ready. All through the drive, she kept thinking to herself, “What have I done?” They pulled up to her campus. Without uttering a word, her dad walked out of the car and she followed suit, toe to toe to the Vice Chancellor’s office. She didn’t know whether her dad was getting her suspended for something that happened outside school or transferring her to another campus.

She sat pensively at the reception area as they waited for the Vice Chancellor. She couldn’t understand why her dad would go to the highest authority over such a petty issue. “Good morning Mr. Brown, sorry for the delay, I had to jump out of my window to get here,” joked the Vice Chancellor as he greeted Monica’s dad. They followed him to the office.

After sharing a few pleasantries and catching up over a cup of coffee, the Vice Chancellor turned to Monica, “I’ve heard of the little situation you had at home. What do you have to say for yourself?” She sat there crying unable to utter a word. “I know she’s not going to say a word!” retorted her dad. “I’m going to make this easy for her. Tell me who that bastard was and I’ll consider rescinding my request to have you transferred to another campus and banned from any school activities. That includes that goddamn play you’re in right now!”

All through her life, she’d never had to make such a decision. She would either have to rat out the guy she had feelings for and gave her a starring opportunity or lose the opportunity to launch her acting career. She knew her father was serious and she had to make a decision. It was between her current situation and her future. She chose her future. “His name is Tim. Tim Mavros.” She replied.

“You can leave now,” said the Vice Chancellor with a hint of disappointment in his voice. He knew Tim and held him in very high regard. Tim had just been awarded a full scholarship and his budget for a second play had been approved by the board. He couldn’t understand how such a bright prospect had got himself into such a situation.

“Mr. Brown, I know you’re pissed that this kid had the nerve to sleep with your daughter in your house,” he started in a soft voice. “As the board chairman I know you can convince other members to expel the kid or suspend him. But let’s approach this cautiously. The kid should at least get a chance to present his case. We don’t want a lawsuit which will bring unwanted attention to your family, would we?”

Monica’s father agreed to the Vice Chancellor’s request and left the office. The drive home was equally silent and nobody uttered a word. Not even a hello from the other side. By the time they got home, Monica’s mother was already home. Mr. Brown explained what had happened and pinned the blame on her for their daughter’s indiscretion.

“Can I come in?” asked Monica’s mom as she peeped through her bedroom door. Even before Monica could answer, she walked in and sat next to her. “I know this is a hard time for you. Just try to understand that your father is doing all this to make life better for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you get through that situation.”

She hugged her as Monica wept. They lay on Monica’s bed till she slept and her mother tucked her in. “Mike, that’s your daughter. You don’t need to be so hard on her. I’m used to it, but she isn’t,” said Monica’s mother as her husband walked into their bedroom.

“Too hard? Wouldn’t being pregnant as a teen be harder? I’ll sort this whole mess out tomorrow. If you were around more often maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Retorted Mr. Brown as he switched off the lights and got into bed. Their marriage was good as dead at this specific point.

As other students headed to class two weeks later, Tim was seated outside the school boardroom. “What did you do boy?” He knew that voice and those exact words. It was his father. He remained silent as his father sat beside him. His father was in his mid-forties but amazingly quite fit for man his age and would pass off for a guy in his 30s. Dressed in rugged jeans, a denim shirt folded at the sleeves and tattoos on his forearm, he was nothing close to the boy seated next to him.

As they waited for the board to come Tim told him what had transpired two weeks before. Surprisingly, his father was very easy about it. “Listen here boy; your future has nothing to do with whatever happens in that meeting. You’re way smarter than any kid I’ve met and trust me, I’ve met plenty. Whatever happens your dad is here for you. Good decision with the window though, I’d have been caught or knocked out the guy.”

For the first time in a very long while, father and son shared a laugh. At half past 9, the board was already seated and Tim and the father were called in. Immediately they opened the door, Mr. Brown’s face turned grey. He dropped the glass he was holding. Tim’s father remained rooted to the ground with his mouth agape.

Mr. Brown couldn’t believe what he was facing. Twenty six years before this meeting, Mr. Brown had a fight with his brother over a woman. To get his way, he framed his brother for a robbery and his brother was sent to prison for 3 years. By the time his brother left prison after being acquitted for lack of evidence, Mr. Brown was already engaged to the woman.

During this period, the woman had his bore his brother a son whom they willingly handed over when he left prison. The two brothers never saw eye to eye and for twenty six years and had never communicated. The whole room was tense and Tim was prodding his father trying to find out what was wrong.

“Could you kindly leave Tim’s father and I for a while please,” requested Mr. Brown as the board members shuffled their way out of the room trying to speculate the reason for what they had just witnessed. Tim’s father held on to his son as everyone left the room. This was the first time Tim had seen his father’s tears.

“I..I…..I…..I’m….I’m sorry Dean,” mumbled Mr. Brown as he rose from his seat. “I know there’s nothing I can do to atone for what I did but I’m asking for your forgiveness.” At this point Tim was very confused and didn’t know why his father was crying and the board chairman was asking for forgiveness. “Two years Mike. Two fucking years behind bars! For what? A woman? Are you happy now?” Posed Tim’s dad as Mr. Brown approached him.

Mr. Brown fell to his knees and Tim could see the regret in his eyes. His father stood there without uttering a word. “What’s going on dad? Why is Mr. Brown asking you for forgiveness?” asked Tim. His father tuned to him wiping tears from his eyes and said, “This is my brother Tim.”

 

 

 

The pain of joy (Part 1 of 2)

“I don’t know why we’re doing this,” whispered Tim as Monica shut the window behind him. “Trust me, there’s no other way,” Monica replied as she sunk her face into Tim’s chest. The rain was pounding, the lights were out and Monica was home alone. Tim got off his wet clothes and sat on the edge of the bed uneasily shifting looks between the door and window.

Tim was not your typical college student. He was always at the top of his class and was actively involved in drama and music. His definition of a fun weekend involved catching up with anime and smoking js in his room. Monica was the complete opposite. She had joined college courtesy of her father’s position in the board and had barely mastered her timetable three semesters into college.

They had met in a drama class. Tim was a playwright and Monica was an aspiring actress. She saw Tim’s play, “The Faithful Mistress” as the perfect opportunity to kickstart her acting career. She landed the role of the lead actress, Dana; a housewife who was married to a rich businessman. Dana was a mother and faced a lot of torment in her marriage. Her husband was possessive and abusive. She found comfort in drinking and partying.

Depression is psychological
Depression is psychological

On one of her nights out, she met a man and after striking a rapport, they went to his place and well, as they say, the rest is history. Monica could see Dana in her mother. Her father was barely around and her mother would always find a reason to go out and return in the wee hours of the morning smelling of cheap condoms and stuffy covers. She always thought to herself, “At least she’s using protection.”

She befriended Tim to better acquaint herself with the role. Tim on the other hand, came from a single home and knew the struggle of being raised by a dad who did nothing much when it came to his kid’s affairs. In their rehearsals, Tim and Monica eventually became comfortable with each other and started sharing stories about their childhood.

Despite coming from different backgrounds, they found equilibrium in their struggles. Both of them wanted someone they could call their own. Loneliness had brought two people together. It started out with sporadic lunch dates which gradually become everyday lunch dates.

As Tim sat on Monica’s bed waiting for her to hand him a t-shirt, he thought of how he’d admired Monica months before she auditioned for his play. This was a dream to him. He was sitting on her bed in his boxers and she was bending over the dresser in a dress that could barely hide the cusp of her butt. In his mind he was already thinking of all possible scenarios but his body was scared stiff.

He reached out to his trousers and pulled out a joint. He looked up to Monica and she smiled back as she tossed a t-shirt to him. He lit the joint and took a long puff as he gestured to Monica to take one. She gladly obliged and after a few hits, they were giggling and suddenly everything was less tense.

Monica reached over Tim’s lap to pull the cover. She looked up to him and their eyes locked. She could see the desire in his eyes and he could see the passion in hers. He pulled her over and had her rest on his lap. He held her by the back of her neck and pulled her closer. He could feel her warm breath as their lips interlocked.

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Her heart was beating in synchrony with his. Monica could barely utter a word. Tim laid her on the bed and took off her dress. She saw the awe in his eyes when he first saw her bare caramel skin. It was flawlessly smooth and her perky bosom stared him in the face. The whole world was literally in front of his eyes. He could finally have his cake and eat it.

He planted his lips on her neck and she arched her back. Her body was tense and had goosebumps all over. His kisses gradually lowered over her breast and she dug her nails in his back. “Should I stop?” mumbled Tim. Monica just nodded her head in between heavy breaths encouraging Tim to go on. He gently placed his lips on her navel as she obligingly raised her legs for him to pull off her panties.

“Do you have protection?” asked Tim as he threw the laced panties on the floor. “Didn’t you carry yours? I’m safe anyway, had my periods last week.” replied Monica as she pulled Tim closer. She could feel Tim’s bulge on her crotch and both of them were hot for each other. Tim yanked his boxers and went in. Monica’s moans and the rain competed for decibels and Monica reigned supreme.

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Their bodies were finally one. Two troubled souls had come together and in their misery had found comfort and companionship. Monica wrapped her legs tightly around Tim’s waist not wanting to let an ounce of the moment go to waste. They both reached their climax and Tim lay lifeless on the bed with every bit of energy drained out of him.

Monica rested her head on his chest and none of them uttered a word. She held against him as he ran his fingers through her hair as if to assure her he was there to stay. The room was getting a bit chilly so he pulled the cover over her and after staring at the ceiling for sustained periods, they both fell asleep to the background sound of the pounding rain.

“Monica! Monica! What the hell is this?” belted out her father as his imposing figure filled the frame of the door. “I leave for one week and you’re lying naked with a random kid? Just give me a few minutes and we’ll see if this will ever happen again!” he barked as he shut the door behind him.

Tim was scared stiff and was struggling to collect his thoughts and figure out where his clothes were. He could hear Monica’s father rummaging through some drawers. He quickly grabbed one of Monica’s sweat pants and pulled a t-shirt from the dresser.

“You’ll know to mess with my daughter,” shouted Monica’s father as he barged into the room holding a gun.