Time is one resource I have grown to appreciate as I grew older. I grew up in those homes where a holiday was travelling to my grandma’s and my uncle’s and cousins would bring their kids along. Over time it became a norm and I would always say to myself, “When I’m done with school and get my own job, I’m done with this!” Those were honest thoughts from a child and I would openly let my mother know how I felt.
A few years into university, I would find myself asking my relatives when we’d be going home. One thing I have come to appreciate in adulthood is growth. I have progressed both in age and maturity and with different interactions; I realize I’ve had it good. Do you know how many people would have wanted to know their relatives, let alone spend time with them? I always make a point of meeting with my relatives at least once a week and we’ve grown to look at each other as one.
Why did I choose to write this today? Well, a very good friend of mine suffered a loss this week. This is a guy I trusted with my money in high school and even to date we still keep in contact and he’s a brother to me. He lost his father and I can’t put into words what he felt because I know he adored his father and so did those of us who got a chance to meet him. I last saw him in December at Pete’s graduation party and you could tell this was a man proud of his son.
I’ll share with you what a very wise man once shared with me, “Emotion has no logic.” You can never rationalize what anyone feels and how they react to loss. This is probably the hardest time for anyone when you know you have to say goodbye and it’s the final time. Society has made us believe that men shouldn’t cry. I suffer from this misconception and that is what pushed me to writing. I found solace in pouring my soul on a pad at first and now my blog is my napkin, soaking in all my emotions.
There’s no logical way to dealing with a loss. If crying gets the pain off your chest, cry. There’s no weakness in emotion. It only shows you’re capable of love, which makes you a human. I don’t know how my brother is dealing with his pain but I know he’ll get through it. I’m not going to be religious and say he’s in a better place.
The best place to be is with the people that love you and that is at home. I’ve experienced my losses before and I’ve always found a way to deal with the pain depending on the intensity of the loss. No two people will ever experience the same emotions even if they share a loss. It is all relative to the relationship and affinity you had towards the person you’ve lost.
All I can say is time is what you have. You have time to grieve. Let out the emotions of losing a man that meant the world to you. Let nobody tell you to be strong. Take your time and come to terms with the situation. Take time to remember everything you learnt from him and appreciate every minute you spent with him supporting different London clubs.
Remember every moment he would come to Moi Forces Academy to visit you and support you when Chemistry and Math had us for breakfast, break, lunch and dinner. Remember how proud he was when he delivered a speech during your graduation and the look in his eyes when his little boy became a man academically. Take your time to fetch all the good memories because there are more of the good memories than the sad ones.
Take time to plan ahead and know you have to make your own shoes and not try to fit in to his shoes. This is the time to apply every life lesson the old man taught you. Time is all you have now to make your dad more proud than you already have. This is the time we come in as friends and let you know your loss is our loss.
You only have time Pete. This is the time to do deal with what is happening in your life right now; time to do emulate Mr. Romanus and be the man we’ve always known you to be. I can never fully comprehend what you feel but I know what you’re capable of and you can only come back ready to conquer the world.
I’m sorry for the loss of your old man and pass my heartfelt condolences to you, Bella, your elder sisters, mother and family.