Where’s your daddy?

So the other day I was taking a stroll in the hood and I met this kid. She wasn’t your normal hood kid. No, she didn’t have boogers hanging from her nose or drool from last night’s messy dream tracing her cheek. No, she was clean. She didn’t even have ashy legs or dusty hair. I was very surprised. This was a marvel of nature and if I had a decent phone, I would have recorded her and shot a whole documentary based on her hygiene.

I never talk to kids for a few obvious reasons. The main reason being I have no games on my phone and even if I did I wouldn’t want a kid messing with my high scores and all. The other reason is that kids ask dumb questions and sometimes those questions are genuine. My nephew once asked me, “Uncle, A is for Apple, why is G for S?” My world shuttered, I could hear the song of my people playing and my ancestors laughing in the background. The wind stopped blowing and my flawless hair was no longer worthy of the coastal breeze. I still haven’t found an answer.

So yeah, I decided to face my fears and confront this wonder. So I took a deep breathe, then another one and another one. I still had the previous day’s stale beer on parade despite all my desperate efforts to brush my teeth. “Hi, there missus!” I had this bright smile on my face and hoped she’d reciprocate but she just looked at me once and waved with her brows. Her goddamn brows! Who waves at an adult with brows? The nerve.

Sure, I had nappy hair, shorts on and one of my body arts was showing but I still deserved some respect as a senior member of the pathway. You see, that’s the problem with light skin people; they never know how to show love to dark skins even at a tender age. I was infuriated and at one point in between the five second wave, I might have mentioned that her hair wasn’t real. I still believe it wasn’t real so I never bothered to apologize.

I swallowed my pride and picked up my ego piece by piece though some found their way onto the road never to be found again. I decided to be the bigger man in this race war and politely asked, “Where’s your daddy?” That’s when I knew I’d hit a nerve. She suddenly became all nice and pointed to some dark guy in the salon seated with a fairly hot lady. She was like tea a 10 year old would take. Hot, but not hot enough to burn you.

So yeah, that wasn’t the sperm donor. I just went and told the dad his kid can be hit by car with a cheeky grin on my face. I also saw Stella, you know yourself Stella, with a really beautiful kid that looked just like her only a few filters lighter and she never divulged whether the kid was hers or not. I’ve taken it upon myself to address this issue or story, depending on what end of the photochroma you are.

In the past two years I’ve seen the number of light skin kids on the rise but I’m not really seeing the source. It may be nothing and it may be something, I’m just speculating here. I haven’t made up any theories as to why our pigment-deficient brothers are trying to bring an end to the rise of melanin rich children.

Well, there’s a misconception that foreigners (Nigerians and Congolese men aren’t foreigners m’aam, sit your behind down) are economically endowed. Take this scenario. I like Psys Bar, at least I did until recently and spend an average of Ksh. 2500 every time I go out ( I drink beer and I have no girlfriend or boyfriend just in case you had other ideas). If I was to spend the same amount in Migori, I would be balling out of control. I’d have the Governor’s wife signing bills from my lap.

The same applies to foreigners. If that guy saves $100 every month and comes to Kenya for a week at the end of the year, you definitely are going to feel that bill. Why IPSOS hasn’t done this research should be a cause for research. This would be a great topic for social research (You’re welcome research student).

I haven’t impregnated any girl yet, accidentally or intentionally. However, whether you were trapped which is still baffling to me or had a contraceptive one size too small or ejaculated with the force of 1000 men, you need to take responsibility for your kid. And before you start defending yourself, remember what the three wise men in the bible said, “If the shoe fits, you still have to buy it because it may not be yours.”

I had the privilege of knowing both my parents and I can’t take that for granted. Moms have different reasons for not introducing their kids to the dads. Some men refused to take responsibility, others are fathers elsewhere, others aren’t supposed to be fathers but father kids in secrecy and some reasons are just selfish but there’s always a reason. Is it something right to do? I don’t know, may be the kid will turn out just fine or he or she may be a mess.

There’s a theory that was developed by a wise man, Theeone Potter called the Theory of Separation. The theory states that, Every action is relative to its environment and thus should be treated exclusively. Every kid as false as this might sound needs a father figure in their life. Your brother might be cool and have a beard but at one point, a kid needs to know who the father is. And don’t impute things in their mind. If your kid wants to forgive the father, let them and if not, that’s up to them.

I’ve had many discussions with different people and I notice that some adults still have the same notions their parents passed on to them. Kids who grew up without knowing their fathers, ladies especially, tend to either be very distrustful of men or try to hard to get a man in their life. Again, this is from my own personal experience and I did mention something about separation of issues.

This is not the 20th Century where kids had questions but only parents had the right of response and determined what questions would be asked. Let your kid know who the father is and they’ll make the decision of whether the father needs to be in their life or not. You let them google whatever they want and ask them what they want to eat for dinner so that shouldn’t be a tall order for you.

I won’t go around asking random kids where their fathers are but I think it’s imperative that all mothers make a point to introduce their kids to their fathers. If the guy denies, well and good but at least the kid will know first hand that their dad is fecal-filled butthole. And to all the moms raising kids on their own, you deserve a medal. Every dad who’s taken responsibility for their seed, kudos, keep up the good work. And to you beautiful girl reading this and thinking this might be the father to my fertile eggs, I accept the challenge.

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