The Nairobi Lad Chronicles

All lads have that one friend that likes sharing. Not necessarily sharing anything with you, but generally shares their groin with any willing lass. This lad isn’t usually the Alpha male but he’s worked out the Science of getting ladies to remove or otherwise readjust their panties. In the ideal world, we’d like to be this lad. But do you really want to be this lad?

Say you’ve gone out for booze with the boys in a new location. Same town, same crowd, different setting. Everyone’s brought out their significant other for the night and you as The Lad have picked among your low hanging fruits and brought the freshest one out.

All’s going well. You’re busy searching her inner thighs for any foreign object, tongue checking for any mouth ulcers while maintaining a convo with the lads. What can go wrong, right? Well, there’s not really much that can go south unless another lass you’ve been schmoozing with shows up at the same venue.

This is where all that calculus and probability you thought would never be applied in life comes in handy. The probability that she checks in at midnight with another dude in tow is relatively high. The actual probability of her hoping to bump into you is quite low.

The probability of her accompanying a buddy and her guy is quite high. Also, the probability of her not finding a seat and walking right into your section and finding smooth-thighed lass on your lap is extremely high. Now let’s do the math and see the probability of two of these scenarios taking place at the same time and what the aftermath might be.

In this case, let’s hypothesize that she’s accompanied her buddy and her dude and walks into your section looking for a spot to sit. What do you do as a lad?

  1. Do you freeze and act confused?
  2. Do you drop the hot pocket from your thighs?
  3. Do you smile, act happy to see her and welcome her?
  4. Do you induce vomit and drive yourself home?
  5. All of the above?

Well, lads, this is one of those situations where the cosine and tangent of fucking up is very high. In my case, 5 would have been the most suitable answer, because I’ve learnt how to eat my cake and can the cunt I can’t. In this scenario, The Lad, smiles, welcomes the lady to an already full spot knowing quite clearly she would not fit, based on sheer volume.

Lads have always been known to stand by each other and in this scenario there would also have been two outcomes. The lady can take the bluff, take a seat and see what you do next. This one is tricky because, you aren’t sure what the end goal is. You might end up with two lasses at the end of the night, one angry lass or none depending on upbringing.

If she chooses to stay calm all night and deny you the formerly forbidden fruit in the future, you my lad are lucky. Alternatively, she may choose to mess your whole night and sucker punch your lady to yesterday. A punched lady will not take kindly to being knocked out cold while looking hot and you will most likely drop her home and have your number blocked.

If she’s punched and still chooses to go home with you; it’s best to invest in some whips, latex, handcuffs, chains and a mouth gag. You’ve got yourself a freak. As a lad, you need to learn how to make your moves. Sometimes the hunter hunts the wrong prey and ends up sleeping hungry. Keep it lad and don’t forget, take her as far as possible. Something about a bird in hand and bushes.

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