I am the delineation of pain,
I know how it feels to be at the bottom,
When people smile with you,
Drink and make merry,
Only to pull a Mary,
Surprise you with a kid you know nothing about,
Make no apologies,
Go on like nothing ever happened,
Make you a door knob,
Turn you at their convenience,
It’s part of life,
Part of a greater experience,
When you know you are born to suffer,
Every odd stacked against you,
But I’m programmed to succeed,
I know and live pain,
But failure is a foreign concept,
Something I know nothing of,
I always look back,
But just to see how far I’ve come,
Never to see how far I have to go,
I curve out my destiny.
I sometimes hate rich people,
What did they have to offer that I didn’t?
Or did they just stumble onto their wealth?
Did they spend sleepless nights?
Or their dreams were just more real?
I work myself off,
Burn the morning oil,
I’m working through the night,
Hoping that maybe one day,
I’ll say I’m wealthy,
Not stinking rich,
Just enough for a comfortable life,
Not to be so concerned about tomorrow,
Know there is comfort in today,
And joy in leaving yesterday,
Because I map out my future.
I’m not a role model,
I play different roles,
Some as a model,
But never simultaneously,
They encourage me to be like Pablo,
Or better yet,
Follow in their footsteps,
We are taught to be different,
Not a copy of another,
But why compare me with them?
Give me similar tests?
Judge me based on your experiences?
Push me aside because I’m not you?
I’m I not supposed to be different?
Be perfect in my own skin?
Because I am,
Comfortable that I am a mini god,
It’s only right,
I was created in the image of God, right?
I love myself for my mistakes,
What else would I love myself for?
Everyone loves me for my perfections,
I love them for their imperfections,
How else would I mirror my perfections?
Your future is in your hands.
I have a murderous mind,
I have a Richard Trenton Chase mind,
Killed so many of my dreams,
Creating a pattern,
A pattern that will hopefully lead me to success,
A success which only I understand,
They say one man’s meat is another man’s poison,
But at the end of the day,
It still is meat,
Not a vegetable or starch,
I therefore, see other people’s failures,
Pain and stress,
As a motivation to go on,
But I won’t sit with you to console you,
Healing is intrinsic,
And I’m healing my past,
As I forge ahead.