So I’ve had a lot of confrontations with different groups of women in my life. From the mellow to the straight ghetto. So on this particular day, my pal( who also happens to host whack parties) rings me and tells me we can have drinks at his digz. I had some chumz so I buzz some other pal and pull strings to get mamiz to come through. At around 7 we hook up in tao. We go to our joint at Madukha for burger-samosa and juice. Amazingly, this comes at an amazing 100bob (or baab for the peri-urban). We chill and carry out surveys of the different species of females roaming the city. One of our high school pals shows up and jumps into the plot. At this point it was evident the struggle for broads would be real so we were just hoping that by the time we were getting to the locale he would have blacked out. After procuring our poisons for the night, we had to chill for the mamiz to prepare themselves(they live at central police station) and look all glamorous for the night that was about to ensue. All this time I was laying dibs on the fair skinned chic with curves in all the right places other than her face that I had not seen. It was around 9.30 by this time so I was starting to think this was going to be one major kebab-fest. Punda si punde, ni punda the broads show up. And yes, the mami was there. So we head to koja to get javs and get on our way to Kabete. At this point my mojo just like development in Africa was taking its time to show up, (At least that’s what me sitting next to my boy signified).
At around 10:15 we had checked into the hotspot. It didn’t take much time for us to start boozing and opening our hearts and arms to accommodate each other. All this while, the mami of the house was busy preparing a meal for the crew. Someone (not me of course) brought up the smart idea of lighting a doobie just in case the food was unbearable. We lit one which was eventually going to get things rolling for the night. For the sake of anonymity and people’s cv’s I will use codenames from lingua-hispanica. Rodrigo had come with his side dish, Maria. Without knowledge of the situation that was going to unfold, I had invited Roberta just in case the scoop wasn’t cooperative. Things got off to a smooth start and as soon as the food(that was surprisingly good) was done away with, we chose to indulge in an entertaining game of spin the bottle. The broads were a bit shy but after a few shots of life from our bottle they eased up. A few things happened and I was lucky things were going my way. Then, hell alighted from a jav and gave me a phone call. I gladly went to pick Roberta up but when I got to the stage, she had Paloma with her. (Paloma happens to be the estranged girlfriend to Rodrigo). I gave him a heads up of what was coming his way because Paloma had a history of Oscars,(the dramas she created were not to be compared to any). At first it was all good because Rodrigo didn’t even show up in the living room until later on in the night. The game continued with ease and my turn came. I was dared to make out with the fair skinned chic.This was not stage managed just to be clear. And just as I was about to plant my blessed lips on this damsel, the God-forsaken Paloma brought in Roberta, so I had to switch tact and let her swallow me alive. This turned out to be a good thing since my fair skinned Rosalia was now more interested in me. I was playing my cards right. Then Rodrigo had to mess things up. From nowhere, we just saw him burst out of the house, Rosalia in tow and Diego(our third pal) following suit. They rushed down the steps and go all the way to the gate. Rodrigo is throwing a tantrum saying he wanted to go home, Paloma shedding tears for the love of her life and Diego. Well let’s just say Diego was being Diego. At this point there were six mamiz in the house and two were on my case, I couldn’t think of anything better than a three-way arm wrestling. Then this is where the she-wolf rose. Paloma storms into the house making frantic calls to her other lover to come pick her up. This is where Alejandro (the owner of the crib) made a fatal mistake. He gives the ninja directions to the crib, even pointing out the door. He came to regret it later because that was the end of our night. I was foreseeing what was going to happen so I was rushing my mojo at this point. Roberta was tipsy so I pulled a guerrilla move and rushed Rosalia to the balcony before Roberta realized what hit her. The next ten minutes are blank because I was busy trying to consolidate the points I had lost. I walked back into the room and Roberta, like the angel she was, sat on papi’s lap. I will write this slow so that I can not drench my keyboard in tears. I was almost carrying Roberta to our rave point when the she-wolf grasped her from my claws and rushed with her down the steps. Before I could calm my groin down and jump over to Rosalia, she followed suit. At this point I was so confused I didn’t know whether Rodrigo had shaved his pubes on the sink or Roberta had pumped milk out of her chesticles and served it as Amarula. So I just sat there for a cool 15 minutes because only cool people can sit for so long without a care in the world. By the time I realized we had been jacked by a chic, everyone was in their own zone retracing their steps. By the end of the night, it was unanimously decided that Alejandro and Rodrigo were to carry responsibility for the events of the night. The bright part was that I got half the cake which I ate with greed. I have ever since been against any group clamouring for the empowerment of women or any minority group( She was picked up by a pointie).