I’m back like Jon, without the snow

I’m back like Jon, without the snow
I’m back like Jon, without the snow

I haven’t written in a while and I was questioning my purpose in life. I was wondering what would happen to the people that read my blog. How would they relate with their families? How would they smile to their loved ones? Would their lives stop? Then I realized I’m actually not that big and nothing much would happen even if I stopped writing.

Well, plenty has happened and some of it came too fast for me get enough time to say, “That’s it?” I’ll start from the low to the high, at least drugs have taught me something in life. Sometime last week my cousin was on church gig. Yeah, I actually have religious relatives and I’m proud of them.

So he’s like the Jack Sparrow of his church. The ladies love the dude like the same numbers love calendars. I haven’t got the whole story of how the whole thing went but I have two versions so I’m going to merge them and come up with an average story. Equity is how I roll.

OK, my boy was the strongest of all the dudes in the church so he had to load those plastic seats on to the truck. However, the truck was convertible and it didn’t have one of those tent things they put on them. In this Noah type rain my boy was on top of truck, shirtless and all flexing and a convoy of pick-ups in tow singing his praises.

Things however, took a turn when the driver felt dude was getting too much attention and decided to turn things. Like literally turn things. The guy negotiated a 45 without alerting Zeus at the back of the truck. Even super heroes need a heads up and he had his up, which was the wrong time for that. He hit a low hanging branch and boom! That was it.

I did mention my cousin is Jack Sparrow, right? So he woke up hours later and son had a cracked disc on his spine. I knew it was bad when my mother’s daughter told me and I was about to dig into some pilau which didn’t taste that good afterwards.

My G however, is set to undergo an operation and all will be well. He did make it through the hard part and he was smiling when all them babes came to his bedside. I have not and I repeat, not, seen so many ladies at the hospital at once. Almost got me cracking my spine but I remembered the kind of people I know and thought otherwise.

I did tell you a lot happened and now I’m going to the high. Got a new job! Yes, I’m gangsta like that, I work and pay bills and shit. My job is really cool. All I get to do is write about football (the one played with feet) and watch games. I’m encouraged to bet and even won once from the twenty times I’ve bet. I however, work six days a week and the workload is crazy bananas but the ninjas here like me.

I’m the professional Jack Sparrow. I’m like Clark Kent. Not cool in real life but I get shit done. Now we go higher. There’s this fat chic that is really funny but I can’t remember her name so I’ll just let you imagine any famous fat chic that tickles your bones.

You do know how hard it is to come across a funny chic right? Don’t get me wrong, girls have their own sense of humour but very few have universal humour. I know some girls that I know will desist from sharing any jokes with me from today but I’ve always laughed, haven’t I? And it’s the thought that counts at the end of the day.

So I met this really funny lady. Well, technically, I haven’t met her because we’ve only talked on phone and chatted every other day but you get the idea. I’m tied by the G code so I never mention names unless you threaten to kill a kitten. I’m a Keanu type of guy.

She’s funny. Not in a scripted kind of way. In a stand-up way where she just comes up with random stuff and you have to pause and thank your ancestors. Did I say she’s beautiful? Not hot, she’s not a potato or some random location in North Africa.

So you can see, I’ve had a lot going on and I’ve not been able to catch up with my writing but I’ve made a comeback. I need people to put some respeck on my blog. I won’t say it no more! Birdman got me some mileage in the US and now I may have to go on a meet-the-fan tour (It’s one fan).

I wouldn’t fail to mention Leicester City because they achieved what I had not predicted them to achieve and my status as prophet has been revoked. Congratulations to the Foxes. Spurs, you still have to wait a little longer. Oh, before I forget, my grandma temporarily forgot my name and referred to me by my pseudo name. I felt so cool. It’s like someone meeting Bruce Wayne in the streets and calling him Batman. It’s cool.

I also have a problem of sharing things on Facebook and I can’t stop. Have they diagnosed that condition yet? I need to go to the hospital and I don’t have a valid reason. I also don’t want drugs, I just want to talk to a nurse and mess about with her beliefs. If it’s a male nurse I’d like to know a lot as well but I won’t let him attend to me.

That’s all for today folks.

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