So today I was scrolling through my Facebook feed trying to feed my insatiable appetite for interesting content. I try my best to keep out an eye for any lady that has a post up and is looking for some likes to build her esteem. I was lucky enough to stumble upon one as soon as I logged in. I doubled tapped that photo just so that she could know I saw it.
As I went about my ritual of reposting what I consider humorous, I came across this post of someone wishing this Beyoncé of an African a happy birthday. As always, I had to read the whole post just in case it’s one of those likes that feed people in India and cures cancer. At the end it read, “Wish you were still here, two years gone and it’s like you left yesterday.”
Usually I’d just swipe on and mumble RIP as I cursed death for denying such a beautiful soul the opportunity to confuse me. But not today. Today I logged out and thought to myself, what would it be like if I died? It seems like a normal thing. You’d be gone, what more is there to discuss?
People talk of the people they’re going to leave behind but I’m more concerned about myself. I’m seeing myself as a spirit, hovering around hotels I couldn’t access and peeping through bathroom doors just to mention a thing or two that’d be occupying my time. At my age, I have a lot of things I’d love to do. You’re probably asking why can’t you do them now while you have the time? Well, I could try sky diving but I can’t pay for a ticket to watch my favorite football team play in Tanzania.
I can definitely write better than Meek Mill and I’m sure if he gave me opportunity I’d diss the rhythm out of Drake but he hasn’t replied to any of my messages. So there’s plenty I can do but time and space aren’t necessarily phenomena all of us can manipulate. I’d want to take my mom to the Vatican just so that she could see the epicentre of her faith.
I want to share a table with Eddie Griffin or Dave Chapelle and make fun of Dave’s duck-billed mouth or Eddie’s rodent denture. Have you watched a Kendrick Lamar concert? I’d want to walk up to the stage with him and pick his brain on why black lives matter but we still see black lives spill matter on the streets every other day.
What else would I want to do? I’d want to see Arsenal play in the Champions League final once again and leave the stadium as champions. Far fetched dream right? But what makes life so different? My boss says he wants to see a report next week. I’m I going to be there next week? I’m I going to be in a state to hand in that report next week?
I rant every now and then. I’ve probably said some nasty things to people but I have never been doubtful that I meant what I said. I want life in my life. I want to be alive and see the world for what it is today and not what you envision it being or what it used to be. I want to live for today. I want to go out, have fun, get laid and wake up the next day next to the girl of dreams.
Is it possible for me to enjoy life? I’m not so sure. Do I want to enjoy life? Of course I do and I want to start now. I’d blame the institutional structures that limit us to operating hours and routine schedules. But I won’t. I can say no. I can decide to enjoy my life even with the routine in place. I can create time and space just to see the sun rise or climb a tree.
I’ve made many decisions but I don’t want people to say I died too young. I want you to say, he lived his life. I want to make my life mine and not the system’s. It’ll take time but I’ll learn to take control of my life and make it what I want it to be. I will choose to live today.