Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Sometimes I just think up things and put it down. Off the dome

Life, all you’ve got

One of the scariest moments has to be feeling your pockets and can’t seem to find your phone. Your heart skipping a beat is an understatement. It will leap over walls and crash into your knees. More often than not you find your phone and enjoy those 15 seconds of your heart calibrating back to normalcy.

But sometimes, that’s not the case. You do your best to locate your phone and can’t seem to find it. It takes a while to accept and move on but you eventually do. Your phone is one of your most prized possessions. Not because of its value or aesthetics but simply because of the secrets and moments you’ve shared.

That’s why it almost always with you. Has a password. A wallpaper that speaks to you. Apps customized to your liking. It’s personal and nobody will ever get what the two of you share. Sometimes your phone is someone. A person you have grown fond of. Someone you love, cherish and want nothing but the best for.

Sadly, life follows the same path. You sometimes do things without thinking you may hurt or lose the person you cherish. That temporary loss can be anything from a break-up with someone you are in a relationship with to doing something strains the relationship you have with a loved one. It’s not permanent. There’s still an opportunity for you to make amends and straighten things out.

At other times, it’s the lost phone and you can’t salvage anything. You can cuss, cry, vent but it’ll never find its way back into your pocket. People are the most valuable assets beside time that we misuse. They say you never miss what you’ve got till it’s gone. That statement couldn’t be any more true.

A cycle technically means going back to where it started. Life starts and ends. You can see death coming from a mile away but nobody will ever prepare you for its impact when it hits. Death is a good and bad thing. It takes away suffering from one person and shifts it to another. The bright side is that you have time to get over loss. There’s no specified duration.

The reality is that grief is a personal experience. No matter how many people used your phone, they may never understand how it feels to lose it. You are never alone but you’re on your own. There’ll be those that will you see you through it all. Those that will walk you through it. But none that will feel the drag of getting through it.

It may seem like the world has suddenly forgotten but don’t take it to heart. The world has its own problems, it can only do so much. Take heart in the fact that tomorrow may be a better day. If not, the next day and the sequence continues. Always remember you hold your destiny in your hands, others can only help you achieve it.

You grieve in your own way and dictate the terms when it comes to getting over it. The most important thing is to appreciate the people around you. In time, all that will be left are memories and if you can’t get the best then you lost value for your time.

For anyone that has experienced loss, time is all you have. Time to accept. Time to heal. Time to pick up the pieces. Time to appreciate. Time to remember. Time to love. Time is all we’ve got.
RIP Herina ‘Nyarkodongo’ Oyugi

Catching up

They say the best things in life are free, but so are the worst. I’ve been offline for a while and I’ve seen darker days but not being able to write because I wasn’t motivated was one of the hardest things for me. I love writing and it may not be the best or interesting but it’s one of the ways I self-regulate.

In this period I’ve gone through changes and not just physically. The biggest adjustment other than starting a new job (Yeah, I move around) is that I’m pregnant. I know, it was a roller coaster of emotions for me when I found out as well, but just like Mary and other virgins before us, I accept this great responsibility. Well, I’m not like pregnant pregnant, my stomach has just outgrown my body. I look like a broken condom, free on the upper part, tight on the lower end.

Starting a new job just like any other new experience had its ups and downs. When I joined the organization (It’s a professional place), I had this serious feel around me. I had carried my Samuel L. Jackson to this place. I only smiled when hot tea was served and burned someone’s tongue or got outside the gate. But all that has changed now and I’ve met some really nice fellows, some nicer than others of course. And I’m on a diet as well.

In this period I’ve also realized fear can be a good thing or a bad thing. In my case, it’s an almost bad thing. One of the hardest things in life is being unable to achieve anything because of the fear of what if? The whole world can believe in you but if you don’t, it doesn’t count for anything. It simply means you lost a fight you were refereeing.

I can comfortably write about this because on more than one occasion, I’ve missed out on something big because of fear. Not that I was afraid of my capabilities. The fear stemmed from the fear of rejection. Fear of failure. How do I get back from failing? Do I just forget that someone said no when in all honesty I was the best?

The answer is yes! You get back up and move on. You can’t be afraid to achieve because of an obstacle. If Eve didn’t put the fear of the unknown to the side and take a bite of that apple, you wouldn’t have all these great experiences. In an ideal world where Eve said no, like all girls should to free drinks from strangers at the club, we would all be happy an overpopulated the earth.

But whether you believe in religion or not, is not the discussion here. It is about living in the moment and appreciating every experience you have. The bad ones are not supposed to be looked at as lessons only. You’re free to sulk and be down because something went south. Emotion has no logical explanation and you don’t need to justify it to anyone.

Enjoy the great moments. Don’t dwell to long on either of these situations though and forget to live. Your primary goal in life is to live. How you live it is up to you. Find something that you love to do, even if it’s a person and do that. Have you ever heard of the phrase life is too short? Well, it is very short. One minute you’re being given boobs for free, the next you need to convince someone why you’re the right person to show it to.

And that is life. An opportunity lost is not the end of things. I’d like to use people like Lincoln as examples but you don’t want to exercise power over people in the free world do you? You probably just want to sit back in some exotic location, spend time travelling, learning new things and creating memories. And that’s what you should do. We live too cautiously only to die. And for what? To enjoy retirement? I am guilty of working and forgetting the little pleasures in life. I still run out of money at the end or close to the end of the month and I have no stories to tell. That’s not how I should live.

I don’t want to regret. Think of what could’ve been. I want to ask a girl out on a date. Something out of the normal. Drink ourselves silly and uber home because I’m responsible and still don’t own a car. Life is an adventure and you are the Zach Galifianakis of it. Nobody has rehearsed for anything life has up it’s dirty, rugged sleeves. Feel free to try out new things and if they don’t work out, try something else.

Live without hating and spewing negative energy. You are not a dragon or a cat. Live and love. And it’s okay not to love as well, but hating people takes too much energy away from you. It’s however, allowed to hate the fact that Liverpool fans laugh at Arsenal, yet they don’t know how it feels like to see a Merseyside club lift the Premier League trophy. And kindly note, the current Premier League system started in 1992.

So as you welcome a new month and plan what you’re going to do next year at the same time, do something today as well. It won’t hurt. And get yourself something to drink.

 

The Code of Conduct

I’m sure in the short or semi-long life you’ve lived, a few codes of conduct have been thrown around. Perhaps even more important that the constitution might be Bro Code. This is an elaborate manual of how bros shall conduct themselves around each other. In case you have no idea, I outlined some here, you can always follow up.

I however, realized not everyone is a bro. So what happens when a bro who is not really a bro claims you have gone against the code? Do you suffer the consequences or do you get a pass? These are grey areas that need to be addressed and who better to set standards for communication that a keeper of codes?

A female can be a bro, after vetting

It has come to our attention that some bros from the fairer sex have been denied Bro status despite meeting all the set standards. Let’s make this clear, a bro is someone who comes through in tough times and what’s a harder time than a dry spell?

If a sister can deliver and lob you an Ozil-like pass in these treacherous times, she has more than qualified to be a bro. Some alleged bros feel their hunger pangs are supernatural and will never extend a favour even when in possession of a full platter.

A bro shall be of any sex as long as they come through.

A bro shall not depend on females for money

Let’s put it this way, if you were dead broke and there was nothing left in your chamber of coins, you shall die as a man. It is stated in the broble that a lady shall not give you money and forget. She will always remind you even when it has nothing to do with the money. Some alleged bros have also made it a habit to live off ladies, you are no longer bros.

The only exception when getting cash requisitions from the opposite sex is given to the following groups; your mother, sister and grandmother. Even if the lady is a bro, don’t do it. You never know when she might decide to turn back.

Bros still do not carry handbags

The bro code does not allow you to carry a handbag, even if it belongs to your mother. Handbags are made for ladies and it should remain as that. Even as Valentine’s Day approaches and you want to impress that lady that’s denied you access to her panties, this is not allowed. This is why equity is more important that equality.

There are always scenarios where you may have to carry this accessory. In the event that your mother or sister wants to give you money and the bag is a significant distance away, you can deliver it. If you’re with your girl in a dangerous area. You however, have to carry it in a plastic bag. In the event your significant other blacks out and in this case you need to admit her to a rehab centre.

Bros shall not lie about a conquest to intimidate bros

A new trend that has emerged is of bros earning script writing and editing skills without attending any professional institution. Some bros have made it a habit to always exaggerate conquests or imagine them for the less fortunate.

A bro that lies about a conquest shall not only be disbanded for a given period (depending on the severity). This act may push weaker or less lucky bros to depression and it would not be for a valid cause as stated in the broble.

A bro shall always pay their debt

Bros who do not pay debts may have to go back to the friend zone. A crop of bros has risen from the tribe of Judas that do not like paying debts. A bro is obligated to help a bro in the event of an emergency but only if the needy bro has a good track record of filing returns.

A bro that has a poor credit score shall always be met with the dreadful, “I’m not in a good place right now.” Make it your goal as a bro to always keep your word and other bros shall have no issue handing over their hard earned money.

 

 

The little things

It’s been a while since I got mind clear to write anything that wouldn’t sound weird but I realized I always write unorthodox things so why not. I’m still the same age I was on December 31st so I’m not really a year older yet but I wish you all the best in 2017. In the time I’ve been away from my blog a lot has happened.

So I went on holiday and I came back with a few stories. First is the saying, you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. My cousin happens to be a doctor and when we’re bored, I like listening to random stories about his patients. So, one evening we’re talking and cancer comes up and he started giggling. Not, the school girl giggle, the grown man one where you let out chuckles. It was manly, trust me.

After inquiring he goes on to tell me about the story of a guy who passed away from penile cancer. It sounds very cruel, but give it time, it takes a completely different turn of events. Well, the story goes like this. A guy is brought to the hospital with advanced penile cancer and the only option is to dismember his most loyal member.

The guys went through all the pep talk of why he needed to do it if he was to enjoy more days on this our barren earth. After weighing the pros and cons, it occurred to him there was more to life than a boner. I mean, you can still feel that tiny throb even if the key instrument is missing. So he went ahead with the surgery.

Guess what? He survived and was in his room recovering when the anesthesia wore off. As a man, you’re taught to face your fears and he most certainly did. He lifted his cover, took a peek and remembered how his wife liked being on all fours even when not cleaning the house. He let out a loud yelp and collapsed on his bed.

What would you do if you woke up and found your manhood missing?

And just like that, Wuon Ng’ane was no more. I burst out laughing as well but I sort of got where he was coming from. Picture a scenario where he asks his wife for something and she replies with a, “No wonder you don’t have a penis.” That can take the last breath from any man, even the former ones. No offence Caitlyn.

I also managed to face one of my fears over Christmas. Well, I didn’t necessarily face it willingly, but I still did. Anyone that knows me, will tell you large water bodies and I do not appear in the same sentence. So last year, my cousin invited us to her place since she was opening a new house, which was just beautiful. I mean, it had a bar inside and yeah, it had a bar with the stools and everything. That’s all you need to make a house attractive scientifically.

The distance between her home and ours is about 230km so we had a journey on our hands. The logical thing would have been to follow the set road and get to our destination. But no, my uncle had this random idea that we should use the ferry because it took less time and would have been scenic.

On the way there, the old man decides we can’t get to our destination early so we made a detour to this resort on Rusinga Island. It’s set on a picturesque slope that runs down to the lake. The cottages are the simplest things you’ll come across and you could tell a lot of thought was put into building them.

One of the cottages at Wayando Beach Eco Lodge

The owner is an American lady who was married to a guy from the area and she decided to relocate there even after her partner’s passing. It made me think, would I have done the same? Moved to Los Angeles and start a business there? Since you’ve insisted, I think I would.

Time came for us to get to the other side of the lake and I was not enthusiastic at all. One, the company in-charge of the ferries had the most incompetent employees and did I mention I don’t like large water bodies? You have to reverse your car into the ferry, sounds easy but not when a random old guy has puppies stuffed in a carton box and doesn’t want to move.

This was the moment of truth

As a driver, I was at liberty to stay in the vessel and I gladly chose to do that. I didn’t like it one bit. It took a whole 45 minutes and I couldn’t see where I was going. At one point it was just the wind, hyacinth and the lady in the next car checking me out until she fell asleep and started snoring.  We did get to the other side unscathed but I chose to use the longer route on the way back.

What happens when this thing runs out of fuel here?

I spent twelve days in the village and I came to appreciate a few things. Family is one. They may annoy you and get on your nerves at times but some of the best memories I have are with family. Like my grandmother telling me drinking whisky will “Mak ii ka chieth!” loosely translating to it will churn my stomach like shit.

It’s another year and I honestly have no resolutions. I treat each day exclusively. I will rate my achievements gradually. You need to appreciate the smaller things in life (Like your penis) in order to get the bigger picture. So far, it’s not been a bad year, except for the doctor’s strike which is a tricky subject depending on what side of the paycheck you’re seated.

I also got a message from a lovely lady that told me she likes my writing. She may have been paid by my mother for all I know but it was still a good thing. Get checked for cancer early enough and keep it 87+3 whenever you can, because keeping 100 is too mainstream.

One man can make a difference

In life every experience is a lesson and I’m a good student, you can ask anyone that shared a class with me in University. I’m those students that have five different types of pens and divide my notes according to the lecturer and their mood. My notes got people A’s. Of course they can’t step up and say, “You my G are the real MVP.” They’d rather take that shine, but I’m good, I’m beaming.

So, in the past month or two I’ve been really quiet and haven’t really posted anything. I’d blame writer’s block but honestly, I lacked inspiration. I didn’t have anything that made me want to sit down in my cotton-white white boxers, with a glass of red wine and just jot down my thoughts. Every time I got myself in a position to write, I would jot down two lines and that was it.

My front desk mate at work kept on pressuring me to write and even went to the extent of calling me to write when I was on holiday. She’s got a lot of nerve but she also triggered a lot of thought in me. I’ve seen a lot happen over the days. Just today in the morning, a friend lost his daughter. You try your best to find something appropriate to say but what can you say?

“I’m sorry, she’s in a better place? That was God’s plan?” I haven’t talked to him and doubt I’ll be saying anything any time soon but I feel his pain. And that is partly what made me want to write. I remember this one post I wrote in 2013 and I was at a very low point in my life. I wrote it as a diary, not necessarily target to lift anyone or anything along those lines.

One lady called me after that and we talked at length about what I was experiencing. She was going through a hard time and my post spoke directly to her. I have the ‘Scopare il mondo. Salvare la tua anima’ mentality. However, when you can help one person have a good day, isn’t that good thing? So I decided I’ll write today. I don’t know what my subject is but I’m just going with the flow, the words will come as I go on.

I’ve been brought up around a close knit family so I value friendship, loyalty and respect. In the recent past I’ve been in situations where I’ve done things that I had no responsibility doing but did them anyway. What I’ve come to understand is that we’re not all the same. Some people will show you gratitude for what you offer while others will not.

But does that mean I should change and stop helping people because a few people couldn’t show gratitude? I would but I wouldn’t live in comfort knowing I could’ve done something but chose to do nothing. Over time you may realize, it’s the small things that matter. You can have money but you will barely ever have the most money.

Happiness is innate. You derive your joy from within and that’s what most of us have failed to grasp. We rely on other people to give you joy. When was the last time you enjoyed your own company? Just sat by yourself and did something you love for your own satisfaction? If I said one more time that I’m not in a relationship, you’d think I’m advertising my singlehood. Well, I am but that’s beside the point.

I see people suffer and sacrifice more than they need to for relationships to work. The word doesn’t even have real in it so most people do it just for the cameras and likes. Companionship needs more than love and posting your significant other as an MCM or WCW. It needs you to know there’s an equal distribution good as bad with anyone.

I don’t picture perfection in any situation but I have visions of ideal situations. A situation where you treat other people with the respect they deserve and not manipulate or take advantage of them. It may not work in a capitalistic world where everyone is interested in their own wellbeing even if it comes at the expense of other people.

What’s really sad is that most people would rather play the victim nowadays. You’d rather shift blame to someone else to avoid taking responsibility. It’s always some else’s fault which begs the question, what is your responsibility?

The sooner you learn you are not just on the world but of the world the better. Play your part in building a better society and spreading a smile to different faces across the globe. You just like the next person are good at something. It may not be raking in any money bit it can make a difference.

Try cutting your pinky off and see how efficient your hand will be. I bet you’re not so willing to take the risk but you know you’ll lose almost half of your hand’s functionality. So what makes you think that even without being the most outspoken figure, you can’t make a difference?

Don’t give anyone the power to determine your happiness. People will disappoint you and make excuses for their own failures. But there are people who will also uplift you and show you the good side of humanity we barely get to see.

It’s a matter of perspective and you choose what you want to see. If something bad happens, take your time, deal with it in your own way and find a way to get past it. Time is the only true healer. I’ve ranted a lot but I think I needed to just note down what was in my head and put it out there.

I also don’t think Hillary lost because she’s a woman like everyone is trying to portray it. Trump may not have been your favourite but he was elected in a legally due process and the least you can do is give him time to succeed or fail. The power lies in your hands, you just need to show how badly you want it.

 

When they come in between you

“I’m not sure this is working out,” said Turner as Shirley sat on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He walked out of the door with tears in his eyes knowing it was either him or her. Turner and Shirley had been dating for two years but their relationship had hit a rocky patch and despite everything they tried, things always seemed to get worse.

They met in their final year of college and instantly took to liking each other. Tim was mango; soft on the outside but rough on the inside. He was always calm on normal occasions but he would occasionally let the rough side come out.

Shirley on the other hand was a free spirit. A very decent lady who was easy to get along with. She did her best to make everyone happy and was everyone’s favourite. Their friendship was based on the fact that both of them came from low points in their lives and found comfort in putting a smile on each other’s faces.

Their friendship grew over the course of time and so did their trust in each other. At first, it was nothing more than mutual concern for each other’s wellbeing. Shirley was concerned that Turner had was too aloof with his emotions and barely let anyone get past the basics of knowing him. She was concerned that he was suffering in silence and it was affecting his social life.

Turner on the other hand was interested in Shirley because he felt she was not fulfilling her full potential. She was always doing her best not to offend anyone and in the end she would end up getting hurt. He had seen this before and had been on the opposite end of the spectrum. He knew what it felt like to hurt someone and see their life spiral out of control.

In Shirley, he saw a lady that would take him to heights he had not experienced before. She was calm, focused, beautiful and made him appreciate the little things in life. She had been through a lot in her life but you couldn’t tell from the smile she always showed the world. Turner saw the smile and all the possibilities that were behind that smile.

Shirley liked Turner for who he was. He was a bit younger than her but they found comfort in each other. Over time, they grew closer and all those hugs and laughter turned to a kiss goodbye and sharing of great moments together. Things were taking their course and you could tell these two were meant to be together.

Both valued their privacy and kept their exploits under wraps. They didn’t want anyone to know what they were up to and kept their secret between them. Things were going well for the two and there was nothing but love between them. For a while, nothing could go wrong because it was always what they meant to each other that mattered.

After graduating college, they both found themselves in different industries. Turner found himself in the media industry and Shirley was in the marketing field. These were environments they had not been exposed to in their lives. They were both on field assignment and this meant they had to spend time apart.

The distance didn’t make much difference in the beginning because they would always yearn for each other. Their romance grew as they would be happy to see each other and would tear the place apart. Time was beginning to bring some distance between them though. Turner was always working late and would not find adequate time to spend with Shirley.

Shirley didn’t find any problem in him not being around and always did her best to make herself available. At work, Turner was having a hard time at all the staff parties keeping to himself to avoid putting himself in a precarious situation. He would stay up late, barely drink and head home. He kept this up for a while but he finally caved in.

He would go out with his colleagues on a regular basis and found comfort in his assignment partner, Mish. She was in a relationship with a business man who was barely around. She would confide in Turner and tell him about her love life. Turner would listen to her and they found themselves spending more time together.

Whenever they worked late, they would have a glass or two of scotch before heading home. One night, Mish was very uneasy. She kept on checking her phone and was absent minded. “What’s up today?” asked Turner as he handed her a glass of scotch. “It’s nothing.” She replied still looking at her phone. “Come on. It’s me. You know you can tell me anything.” He said as she put her phone aside.

“Well, it’s my wedding anniversary and my husband hasn’t even sent me a message,” she replied as tears rolled down her cheeks. Turner sat on her desk facing and placed his glass on her desk. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be back,” he said with a smile. He ran out of the office and came back with a gift in his hand.

“Happy anniversary!” She took the unexpected gift and her eyes were filled with tears. “When did you get this?” she asked amid sobs. “I listen,” he replied as he embraced her. They spent the night drinking and headed home at almost dawn.

Turner walked into the house and Shirley was waiting for him. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick? Couldn’t you even have called?” Turner couldn’t explain the fact that he had spent the night out with someone’s wife on her anniversary while his girlfriend spent the night worrying about him.

That was the beginning of their problems. Mish would call Turner anytime she felt lonely and he would heed her call. His actions made him and Shirley drift apart. Suddenly, the fun filled sex escapades were replaced by arguments and mistrust.

Shirley started drifting from Turner and their affection was slowly being washed down the drain. She couldn’t understand how Turner could forget where they came from because of a stranger. Turner on the other hand couldn’t understand how the person he’d opened up to didn’t trust him enough to be on his own.

On the fateful day, Turner was working late and it had skipped his mind that he and Shirley were supposed to have dinner. She called his phone and Mish answered. Shirley felt that Turner had crossed the line and betrayed her. She called a friend over because she needed someone to talk to.

As they sat at the dining table, she started crying. Her friend went over to her and hugged her. As he leaned in looking into her eyes, Turner walked in. He froze and dropped his laptop bag. He picked up his bag, walked past them and went to the bedroom. Shirley’s friend left and she went into the bedroom.

“How could you?” She asked with tears in her eyes. Turner didn’t utter a word as he packed a pair of boxers, socks and a t-shirt in his bag. He was burning with rage but he loved Shirley to much too let it show. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” she shouted following him into the living room. “I’m not sure this is working out,” said Turner as Shirley sat on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He walked out of the door with tears in his eyes knowing it was either him or her.

 

 

Being politically correct isn’t necessarily correct

I have plenty of arguments with myself at times and most of the time it’s usually about things that I observe. I’m a big proponent of the theory of relativism and I like judging everything exclusively because every reaction is as a result of a specific action which is independent in relation to the time and environment. Today I have jumbled thoughts and I’d just like to put them out there regardless of whether they’re related or not.

As time goes by everybody is trying to be politically correct. You say something you feel will not put you in a position to defend yourself and stand by your opinion. I’ve been on the wrong end of people’s opinions for voicing my opinions but as I always say, everyone is entitled to their opinion and you don’t necessarily have to like someone to respect their opinion even if you think it’s dumb.

Last night I was heading home from work and I saw a girl people referred to as a slut because she’d slept with many guys. Personally, I give my own definitions to some terms and the term slut is very broad depending on how you look at it. Who’s a slut? A person who sleeps with multiple individuals? Who determines when another human being is to be referred to as a slut? Also, it’s good to know a slut can either be a guy or lady in my books.

To me, a slut is someone who uses emotion to get sex. If you make someone fall for you knowing very well it’s not leading to anything, you’re a slut. Don’t get me wrong, hooking up with a person you’ve just met isn’t leading on anyone. Telling the person you love or have feelings for them with no good intention is wrong. That makes you a slut. If a girl sleeps with 10 guys but had no emotional attachment to any of them, she may have ruined her reputation but she definitely hasn’t ruined anyone’s life.

However, when you as a guy nail a girl and make her think she’s the only one only to leave her, you’re messing her life because she’ll find it hard to trust another guy or look for love in all the wrong ways. So as the girl approached me, I was thinking, if she tries to hook up, I’m definitely hitting that. It didn’t happen but I just looked at her as I would look at any of my friends, who do the same.

When I was close to getting home, a passenger boarded the vehicle I was in and sat right in front of me. I hadn’t paid much attention to them because I only stare at girls I can or think should be having sexual relations with. This was a guy. Or so I thought. She had a tracksuit on, a cap and had the Jeremih shave. You couldn’t see her breast probably because she had a sports bra on or maybe they were just shy and hid.

That’s when it hit me. I had seen the individual before. She was a dyke and I’ll be honest, put against each other, she looked more hood than I did. But that’s probably because I like my look clean and simple. I don’t want to be mistaken for a thug or a fuckboy. I looked at her for a minute, probably even stared and thoughts were running through my mind.

We live in a liberal world and that is something we can’t deny. We live in a time where saying you’re not ok with anything people agree with is put on the same pedestal as treason. But have you stopped for a minute to think there are people who grew before liberalism? Because every time I looked at her, my mum’s voice played in my head. “When are you bringing me a grandchild?” I am my mother’s only son and coming from a paternal community, my children are not any more important than my sister’s but it’s a cultural thing for her.

I started thinking, what if her mother is like my mother and just wants a grandchild of her own? Would she be wrong to feel her daughter’s path is wrong? And don’t get me wrong, personally, I don’t care about anyone’s sexual preferences as long as it’s not with a minor and is consensual (Also leave pets out of your fantasies). But that’s me, not my parents who were born before Kenya became independent and were brought up on different principles.

I have shared classes with gay people both in high school and university. Throughout this time, I’ve seen different reactions to them. Some are cool, others on the fence depending on the setting and others are out rightly against it. Do I feel any of these parties is any more right than the other? Certainly not. Opinions are personal but they shouldn’t infringe on anyone’s rights. If you don’t like gay people, good for you, just make sure to keep it to yourself. If you feel same sex relationships are cool, well and good, but don’t make people feel bad about it for not sharing your sentiments.

If So every time I see someone posting something negative about gay people, I think to myself, “What happens when you get a gay child?” Equally, when I see someone posting or castigating someone for not being pro-gay, I wonder, “What happened to letting people be themselves?” Just like opinions, there’s no right or wrong sexual contact between two consenting adults. To each his own, right?

I told you I had a lot to share today. During the day, I saw a friend post something on Twitter. He shunned someone for taking sides only to take a side a few minutes later. Who said it’s wrong to take a side? There is no absolute objectiveness in life. We all have biases that affect the way we perceive life and how we react to situations.

I’ve asked this question before, if there’s beauty, doesn’t that definitely show there’s another thing on the other end of the spectrum? So when I say one of your friends is beautiful and another one is ugly, why I’m I mean because I’ve seen two completely opposite ends? I’m I supposed to tell you something you want to hear just to be cool with you? I’m I not worse off for having no concrete opinion than always being politically correct?

Have you seen how many times brands have dropped people because of public opinion in recent times? Manny Pacquiao and Maria Sharapova are the latest victims. I have nothing against big brands, major reason being I can’t afford them; but when you use kids to manufacture your brands, charge top dollar and can barely pay your labour enough money to raise their families, where’s the moral in that? You can’t stand on a moral ground as a brand when your existence is not founded on morality.

I feel the same way about celebrities that endorse these brands and are quick to talk about inequalities and oppression. Why talk about oppression when the source of your glamour is oppression? You endorse a brand that exploits its employees yet you claim your people aren’t treated fairly? What nonsense is this? Did you suddenly realize there are suffering people in the world in your Nikes?

Who bears the moral authority in the country? Is it the police? Is it the government? Or is it the role of religious institutions and parents? Online fliers have been doing rounds of an adult-themed party dubbed ‘Project X’. I’m not in the least bit interested because one thing I’m counting on is the number of male patrons to outnumber the female patrons. The issue at hand however, is the idea that the police feel this party is wrong and are hell-bent on stopping it.

I’m not going to go into whether the party is right or wrong. I’ve been to all kinds of parties and I’ve seen things on printable on a script. My question is what do the police think they will achieve in cancelling the party? Instill morals in people who were already too willing to lose them for anything? I’d support the police action if they made the parents of the adults that attend the party teach them on morals. But that’s not possible, is it? We’ve got to a point where the people setting standards have no clue of the standards they’re setting.

Same thing with the church. When you stand in front of your congregation as a religious leader; a person charged with the duty to show the way. How do you sleep at night knowing very well you’re living in opulence while your congregation is wallowing elsewhere in poverty?  Do you ever think about the heavenly riches most of you preach about?

Is it only the sheep that will inherit the earth or will they take their shepherd with them? What moral ground do you stand on to speak against corruption when church members are fighting over land and tithes? When pastors are flying in G5s and driving state of the art vehicles while the congregation walks? Maybe the congregation is to blame for being gullible. But what happens when the people entrusted with spreading the word toy with your weaknesses for personal gain? The meek shall inherit the kingdom of God while the shepherd inherits their wealth on earth,

That is what I feel we lack as human beings. You want to please people at the expense of sharing what you honestly feel. When you believe in something, stand by it until the moment you’re convinced by another thing; if that will ever happen. You’re a unique human being and should treat yourself as such. Having an opinion doesn’t mean shoving it down people’s throats or throwing a tantrum every time someone doesn’t agree.

It means being mature about it and knowing you can learn more from listening and taking the positive points. Don’t be too quick to pass judgment. Always remember we’re exposed to different environments and these play a key role in molding our thoughts and world view. Listening doesn’t cost you anything except for motivational talks and artists.

Being politically correct isn’t necessarily correct.

I may just have found Chivalry!

There’s this one time I was walking from the shop late at night. It must have been Friday in another galaxy because the stars were lit. I was with my trusted feline, Chivs, full   name, Chivalry. She would always accompany me to the shop just in case another feline would try to convince me to take her home like she did. This night we didn’t meet a feline, we met a dog and I wasn’t about to fight my own species. So I took off and Chivalry stayed back to fight for us but never made it home. I rushed into the house and let out a scream, “Chivalry is dead!”

So, I have a friend. A true friend, not a Facebook friend, Jay, who has his own blog and he did a piece on chivalry. I read it and in my head I was thinking is chivalry really dead or was it bottled and presented to us as Chivas Regal? These are the questions Einstein asked himself on his way to becoming one of the most respected mathematicians if not the most respected. In my home, I am a respected Mathematician. All the bills have to pass through me and I do the calculations mentally. Yes, I am that talented ladies, now what was your number again?

Is chivalry dead? I don’t know but what I do know is Chivas does taste like someone is holding the door for you without the intention of taking you to bed; immediately. Chivalry is one of those few words that are misused and inappropriately used by different parties. What is chivalry? Is it holding the door for a lady? Pulling out a seat for her at dinner? I’ll share the basic definition of chivalry with you. Chivalry is the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.

From the above definition, the only part of the definition people seem to notice is the courtesy bit. How should you treat a lady? Is opening doors and other mundane gestures as a show of chivalry? And does everybody deserve a piece of your chivalry? Honestly, no. Not everyone deserves such treatment. You know the way religion morphed to adapt to the changing times, that’s how chivalry has morphed. Who deserves this royal treatment?

To be sexually correct, I’ll not restrict chivalry to gestures towards ladies only, even Steve wants a piece of chivalry from someone out there. Chivalry is all about respect and it varies with different people. The environment you’re exposed heavily influences how you treat other people, including the ones you intend to bed. What does me opening the door for you symbolize? To some it’s a show of affection and emotion. To others, it’s a sign of weakness as a man. In the hood it’s literally translated as kukaliwa, being sat on.

What does it mean to me? If you do it after sleeping with the recipient of the act of chivalry over a period of time; it’s affection. I’m speaking from the perspective of an observer, participant and judge, just like the Ugandan government during elections. All these terms are relative and you can’t really pin one action and expect it to cut across the board. Your gentleman isn’t necessarily your sister’s gentleman; though I have seen some twins do that. Shout out to all twins sharing a man out there. You are the true MVPS.

I’m I chivalrous? If you base your definition on doors, I most definitely am. I’ve made girls breakfast, and I don’t eat breakfast. I pour their drinks in their glasses and even say hi when I meet them in the streets. Chivalry is relative. However you choose to look at it, we all have our versions of chivalry. Some girls like lions for males. These are the guys that only do the basic stuff. Change bulbs and bring food to the table; the hardworking type.

Some ladies like hyenas. These are the kind of guys that open doors and do all that romantic stuff according to the book. I’m not basing my choice of animals on their eating habits but rather social structure in the species hierarchy. Others simply like weaver birds. This is the group of men who like being followed around, or ladies, depending on whether you’re a frankfurter or fish kind of person.

It all comes down to preference. What does the person these gestures are intended for prefer? And being the 21st century where everyone is clamouring for equality, should chivalry be reciprocated? If you ask me, no. I don’t need a lady opening doors for me and pouring my drink (Wherever). Maybe you do, it’s all about how in touch you are with your feminine side.

I’m a semi-traditional guy. I’m not fully modern in other words. I like doing some things my dad would frown upon but there are things I do and the old heads use me as a reference in, “How to be the McCoy” classes with their sons. The thing about chivalry is that it takes exposure to know what to do and when to do it.

What I can tell you about all these variations of chivalry is that the end goal is the same. They want to see what that mouth do and know when those pants come off. Chivalry is essentially beating around the bush in a structural way. Instead of feeding on the fish before feeding the fish, you show the fish how it’ll be feeding around you. Yes, even your boyfriend or girlfriend (all butches out there) wants a piece of that ass.

Show me some skin
Show me some skin

So does chivalry really exist? Or is chivalry just a means to an end? Valentines is coming up in a few days and you’re either single or hooked to someone. I’m going to be candid about Valentines. If anyone started texting you late last week and is nice, feign a busy schedule until the 15th. This is the month chivalry will be misused with guys carrying red roses all over the street and girls trying to squeeze into red dresses probably meant for their teenage daughters.

Chivalry is a code of conduct and has no season. It’s something you show to anyone deserving of it and should be part of your life. You can’t go around saying chivalry is alive or dead when you barely know its definition. Also, if you see me holding any door for a well dressed lady any time between now and the 15th, that’s not my mum so don’t say anything about us looking alike.

Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the hood definition of chivalry and the people resurrecting and killing it every other time. Being a gentleman is about treating whoever you’re treating with respect and that’s what chivalry is about. You might be the only one he opens doors for but not the only one opening random things for him. Treat that person in a way that makes them appreciate everything about themselves. Leave the door business to doormen and do things that actually make sense. Also, I’m free to book for dates ladies. I will even throw in a literature piece of the date. Just make sure it’s within Nairobi and you’re at least 800 words interesting. I’ll fill up the rest.

You need to be swept off your feet?
You need to be swept off your feet?

I woke up like this! Thoughtful

Today is just one of those days I had to sit myself down and write myself a letter. I’m I the only person who has intra conversations? Ask yourself questions and beat yourself up because you know you could have done better? Well, I’m at that point in my life and I have nobody to talk to so I share with myself. Sounds crazy, right? I guess every market needs its mad man for entertainment.

I’m getting my life on track and I really can’t say I’ve fallen off because I had no goal to start with. My benchmark is my previous achievements. Does that limit my ambition or does it make me realistic? I’m at the age where my friends are fathering kids, giving birth or posting photos on holidays. I can’t say it doesn’t get to me at times. I usually ask myself, “What I’m I doing wrong?”

Reality always seems to come to my rescue and smack me back to my senses. We all say we don’t do anything to please anyone so why would other people’s lifestyles bother me? Why I’m not in a relationship or haven’t been in one for years? To be honest, I don’t know. To others, there’s something wrong with me. I was either hurt or hate commitment, but it’s neither. I’m alone just because I like it.

What’s self-assessment? Is it not about re-evaluating your past self in comparison to your new self? Well, I like my old self. I like the me that didn’t care about who had the shiniest watch or who got paid more than who. Yeah, you’re probably wondering what I’m I going on about? I’m going on about life. What value do you attach to life?

These aren’t formative years for me. I don’t even believe in formative years as a human being. Why do I need to be tied down to a timeline I was consulted in scheduling? Shouldn’t I have exclusive authority to decide when my formative years should be? I shouldn’t be tied down to people’s expectations of what I should be doing. What do you mean what I’m I doing with my life? Isn’t living and appreciating every other day doing something with my life?

The problem with the world is that people want to compare people who were exposed to different environments. I cannot be my father. As much as there is transfer of genes, it’s not CTRL+C, CTRL+V. I cannot be what my parents are. I also cannot be that kid you look up to as a teacher. Look at me as a unique person and you’ll be on a long journey to understand that I cannot and will not be whoever you want me to be.

The internet has brought about standard regulators from all corners. You’re not wife material if you do this. You are a fuckboy because of this and that. What makes your wife material my wife material? Maybe I like them tough like khaki or soft like satin. You see, the thing about these standards is that they come from a point of want rather than experience. When you say I’m a fuckboy because I can’t do certain things I’m not accustomed to, then what makes you any different from me? Other than gender of course.

When choosing a girlfriend or wife (some people marry before dating) you have your own expectations. Some look at physical beauty, some look at intelligence, others personality (What you call inner beauty) and others just go for the person they find first. Someone worships that wife material you say is trash. One man’s whore is another man’s saint (Ask that prophet in the bible who had to marry a harlot).

The world will always try and determine how you should live your life. You always need to remember that you’re a unique individual and you should always communicate that. It’s hard not to want to impress someone and as much as we deny it, we all try to impress someone. It’s not wrong. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The only problem is losing your principles and dignity trying to impress someone.

Live your life like you are royalty. If you’re a Christian, the bible tells you you’ve been created in the image and likeness of God so technically; you are a god in your own right and deserve to treat yourself as such. It’s the case of the argument that most billionaires don’t have university or college education. The sad bit is that the people that run their companies are all college or university educated. So you can’t rely on one person’s life story to base yours.

Create your own path and start your own story. Pioneers were never pioneers when they started off. Most of them were either laughed at or looked at as dimwits for taking their own path. You have to be willing to take the risk to be able to enjoy what those you aspire to be live. Like Kanye;  he always does the wrong things in our eyes but doesn’t give one hoot. Except marrying Kim, that will bit bite him forever or be a finger in ll the wrong places. Personally, I don’t have a role model or a mentor. I look at everyone exclusively and through their lives I’m able to pick what I can do better and what to leave out.

Don’t be afraid of being weird. You should be more afraid of being normal because that means you’re conforming and losing the true essence of who you are. Nobody will ever appeal to everyone. Obama had black people opposing his presidency in 2008. Hitler had people who loved him for who he was, so your level of weird will always have people who’ll hate it and people who’ll ride with you. You just need to do what makes you comfortable (And no, I’m not saying Hitler was right for what he did. I barely know the guy). This doesn’t mean you should break the law or anything of the sort, unless it’s taking soup with a fork; that is a law you can break any time. If you take soup with a fork, you are past any law. You are the law.

Everyone has their outlook of life and it certainly doesn’t apply to everyone but there are a few things you can pick from everyone’s mantra that will help you make life more enjoyable. The true meaning of life is in taking everyday as it comes and always striving to be the best you can be. I don’t know where I got all this all this wisdom but I trust myself so I suggest you also do the same. Otherwise, has any of you seen a lost cat somewhere? The type of girl I’m looking for likes heroes and you can’t beat rescuing a homeless cat.

You’ve probably fallen in love at some point in your life or had a feeling that felt something close to love. It’s normal even if you don’t admit it. I have felt this way about someone or two before in my life before and I have never kept it a secret that if I fall in love I’m the break a leg a kind. I enjoy every moment of it and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not an expert when it comes to love or intimate relationships but I know plenty about how humans relate. All this is purely from  observation and socialization.

The question is can I love more than one person at one time? Even in love there are things you don’t like about the person you love. If I can have more than one kid and love them equally, what makes it so different when it comes to an adult? Don’t run away beautiful girl, these are all hypothetical questions and I’m not assured of finding two females that I can love.

Every individual is unique in their own right. Even identical twins have very distinct behaviours and tendencies. For the people that watch football, you know there’s a reason you may be a Manchester United fanatic but still appreciate the way Arsenal goes about their football. I actually do appreciate the way Arsenal has been playing this season.

So when I meet you at the club and I say hi, I still don’t know you. There are four different scenarios that may take place. One, I may convince you or you may want to go home with me. I prefer taking you home because at your place there are all types of shenanigans that may go down. Your sponsor may walk in even before I bust my morning nut and I’d have to hide with your malnourished puppy under the bed. I may also meet a girl I know there, or better yet, an aunt. There are too many risks involved.

Two, I may take you number and we’ll get to know each over days or weeks depending on how much you can keep a conversation going. And yes, a guy can sleep with you and the first night and not call you ever or even take your number. He can also fall in love. It’s not a Science that has a theory behind it.  Three I may take you number and lose interest within the first week. It’s never personal, you’ve seen things that caught your attention but you forgot as soon as you walked out the store.

Lastly, I can take your number and never use it. Those are the random calls you get after 4 months and a guy is trying to remind you of the time you were in a dress that used to fit you. Why I’m I telling you about these scenarios? Well, I still don’t know but I thought I’d forget so this was one of the only ways to document them.

I like girls for different reasons. Some girls have billboard faces and that’s what appeals to me at that time. Other girls have artistic bodies and I’m a sucker for curves, hopefully it’s not around your abdomen or face. Some girls are very intelligent and you can engage them on a variety of topics without losing interest at any given point. Some girls were raised in amusement parks and can do things you see on pornhub only. At times, they come with a combination of these skills.

As a human with a very timid level of concentration, I adopt to the conditions I find myself in. Do I intend to hurt these girls? Of course not. I’m a decent guy who drinks out of a glass and pee on all the stains in the toilet. I’m not very sure of the physiological or psychological composition of the human so I can’t say men were wired that way. I’ve met girls who have sex with men for fun and I know most men can separate their emotions from sex so it gets a bit tricky.

The problem arises when you use emotion to get sex. Flattery and flirting isn’t emotion ladies. I’m talking about the guys who promise ladies their parents will be receiving a flock of cattle and birds by the end of the year. Now that is wrong. There are two things you do when you use such techniques to get a girl to bed. You distort her stand on men and that can work in two ways. She’ll despise men or will throw herself at the next guy and thereafter to fill the void you left.

When you use emotion to get sex, you not only mess the girl up, you mess up for people like us who haven’t settled yet. I don’t want to fix your mistakes son. These are the kind of girls that want to check up on everything I’m doing and accompany everywhere just because they don’t trust men to walk alone. The way dogs are treated nowadays. What happened to dogs having the freedom to associate and bite whoever they pleased? I don’t want to be on a leash. That’s what you do boy when you tell her you love her just to get in her pants.

Again, ladies, when you say men are dogs; that’s a compliment to some of us because dogs are known to be very loyal. And DMX made calling your homies dogs very cool. He even barks in his songs and has a signature growl. Do you girls love dogs? I’ve always advocated for separation of issues. What one guy or lady does to you is not a representation of an entire species. We aren’t in a cult, so unless you’re dating someone in a cult; then don’t expect the same treatment from people who aren’t in your cult.

Whatever attracts you to one person or more, depending on the size of your heart, is custom tailored. Have you heard that you should never try solving a problem between two lovers? You’ll end up taking one party’s side and when things work out, you’ll be the asshole that almost messed up a good thing. Keep out and let the courts or people who were involved in the marriage negotiations sort it out.

I may just have given you life’s hack to relationships and I haven’t even been able to sustain a stable internet connection for an hour straight. Something about prophets not being accepted at home. In other news, I got Netflix. So, I’m not really a screen freak and prefer to look at people in the face than watch movies or series. It’s a good thing though. I finally watched the full Hangover movie, the first one. I missed the part where Tyson punched Zach Galifianakis. Don’t get it if you haven’t got a girlfriend yet though, because you’ll end up chilling for a decade and wake up old, grey and stuck to your sheets because you had nobody to chill with.