Rise of the boy child

So I’m in the office doing what I do best and get paid to do, research for dank memes and share them with my loyal followers. I have to say that this has to be one of the most difficult tasks. Keeping the masses fed and satisfied is not a mean feat. Back to the backbone of the story, which has nothing to do with the dank memes I share. It’s absolutely true though, I share memes like a generator.

Well, I was deep into my research and this lady walked in fuming. Under ordinary circumstances I wouldn’t even be concerned and would be bumping to bad and boujee while exploring the deep dark web. But this wasn’t any normal situation. Have you ever seen a corgi? Let me explain what kind of breed this is. It’s one of those tiny dogs that may or may not be cute but have this really fluffy behinds.

So this lady is pretty compact. She’s very short, with an ok face. There’s really nothing to write home about it because she looks sad even when smiling. It’s like she sees the disappointment you bring even before you do. You can however, write an equestrian on her booty. She has a massive booty and not those one that fluctuate depending on the dressing. It’s one of those all-weather butts.

It jiggles in yoga pants, dresses and jeans. I’m not kidding you. It has no respect for attires. None whatsoever! So she strut in all red into the CFOs office. Let me tell you about our CFO. You don’t just waltz into her office unless you’re psyched up, backed up with facts or just like starting shit. So I knew something was cooking but I’m like Kermit, it’s never any of my business.

A few moments later, my front desk mates followed suit and came out after deliberations I didn’t concern myself with. The day ended pretty well and I couldn’t complain about much except for the fact that there was a shortage in memes.

The next day is when things really heated up. Thuon or as we now call him, Chumbe Nyiri was summoned to the CFOs office. Next thing I know he cancelled lunch, which he was to buy by the way and just walked out with the company mediator, lawyer and part-time IT guy. One thing is that I’ve done is that I have made a few friends so my immediate front desk mate, who is loyal decided to let me in what was about to go down. (You need to have used your Kevin Hart voice there)

Chumbe Nyiri was headed to Central Police station. What I didn’t know was that the previous day Corgi had come to report the cockerels of all cocks to the HR for gross misconduct. You see, Chumbe likes life and as he has proven time and time again, we are visitors on earth and need to use every resources accordingly. He subscribes to esurio ergo manducare.

So he had gone out with another fine one and photographic evidence was shared on social. Corgi did not take kindly to this as she had vested interests and had assumed she was second in line. I forgot to mention Chumbe plucks a few feathers where he earns his daily seed. Corgi had taken offence in that she was skipped in line despite just being under the beak of the cock of cocks.

What did she decide to do? Report the man to the police for harassment. He had not shown any interest in her and she could not believe a sane Chumbe would turn a blind eye to a plate full of seeds. Upon reaching the station, they first had to establish what the main cause of concern was.

At first it was reported that he had called her unprintable names. Names you only buy for immediate pleasure and forget until the next encounter. But could this really be the Chumbe we know? Well, it could be but it wasn’t. The story later morphed into a case of gross ignorance. She felt ignored and snubbed by the man she had her eyes on.

The most appropriate cause of action was to report him and ensure he never turns down another female groin in his life. What kind of man turns down sexual advances? Is he even normal? I have to file a case against him because he has gone against nature! The case was eventually sorted out because Chumbe smiled at the female cop and explained that he had a long itinerary but he could fix her somewhere in between for rubbishing this absurd claims.

Chumbe Nyiri walked back into the office a hero. He had won the fight against forceful courting. He was now a hero and gave the young an opportunity to stand for their rights. The boy child had finally risen from the ashes and was triumphant. Now I just have to say hi to other ladies in the office smiling and bite lemons when greeting Corgi and when she shows interest I will slip up and that would be an unintentional assist from Chumbe.

Thanks to Chumbe, I can slide in

#IstandWithTheBoyChild

The Code of Conduct

I’m sure in the short or semi-long life you’ve lived, a few codes of conduct have been thrown around. Perhaps even more important that the constitution might be Bro Code. This is an elaborate manual of how bros shall conduct themselves around each other. In case you have no idea, I outlined some here, you can always follow up.

I however, realized not everyone is a bro. So what happens when a bro who is not really a bro claims you have gone against the code? Do you suffer the consequences or do you get a pass? These are grey areas that need to be addressed and who better to set standards for communication that a keeper of codes?

A female can be a bro, after vetting

It has come to our attention that some bros from the fairer sex have been denied Bro status despite meeting all the set standards. Let’s make this clear, a bro is someone who comes through in tough times and what’s a harder time than a dry spell?

If a sister can deliver and lob you an Ozil-like pass in these treacherous times, she has more than qualified to be a bro. Some alleged bros feel their hunger pangs are supernatural and will never extend a favour even when in possession of a full platter.

A bro shall be of any sex as long as they come through.

A bro shall not depend on females for money

Let’s put it this way, if you were dead broke and there was nothing left in your chamber of coins, you shall die as a man. It is stated in the broble that a lady shall not give you money and forget. She will always remind you even when it has nothing to do with the money. Some alleged bros have also made it a habit to live off ladies, you are no longer bros.

The only exception when getting cash requisitions from the opposite sex is given to the following groups; your mother, sister and grandmother. Even if the lady is a bro, don’t do it. You never know when she might decide to turn back.

Bros still do not carry handbags

The bro code does not allow you to carry a handbag, even if it belongs to your mother. Handbags are made for ladies and it should remain as that. Even as Valentine’s Day approaches and you want to impress that lady that’s denied you access to her panties, this is not allowed. This is why equity is more important that equality.

There are always scenarios where you may have to carry this accessory. In the event that your mother or sister wants to give you money and the bag is a significant distance away, you can deliver it. If you’re with your girl in a dangerous area. You however, have to carry it in a plastic bag. In the event your significant other blacks out and in this case you need to admit her to a rehab centre.

Bros shall not lie about a conquest to intimidate bros

A new trend that has emerged is of bros earning script writing and editing skills without attending any professional institution. Some bros have made it a habit to always exaggerate conquests or imagine them for the less fortunate.

A bro that lies about a conquest shall not only be disbanded for a given period (depending on the severity). This act may push weaker or less lucky bros to depression and it would not be for a valid cause as stated in the broble.

A bro shall always pay their debt

Bros who do not pay debts may have to go back to the friend zone. A crop of bros has risen from the tribe of Judas that do not like paying debts. A bro is obligated to help a bro in the event of an emergency but only if the needy bro has a good track record of filing returns.

A bro that has a poor credit score shall always be met with the dreadful, “I’m not in a good place right now.” Make it your goal as a bro to always keep your word and other bros shall have no issue handing over their hard earned money.