Freedom is a state mind

My mother told me I was slave,
I looked at her and laughed,
She laughed back,
I was only ten,
A slave was in shackles,
Bound by a master,
With no freedom,
I only had parents,
I wasn’t in captivity,
Unless I was at school,
Under my headmaster’s watch,
I understood the term head,
But master?
What was I?
A slave?
A subject?
Away from school I was free,
Not under anyone’s law,
Other than nature,
How silly of me,
I forget television,
I always watched Famous Five,
Diligently,
Missing an episode was unimaginable,
It built my grammar,
But had my mind.

I grew up,
Music became a fad,
I changed my style,
Changed my lingo,
And found similar friends,
People that understood me,
Or simply,
Had the same mindset,
Spoke the same language,
And worshipped the same god,
However, this was just a phase,
I became dexterous,
No longer under the artist,
A creator in my own right,
I made new friends,
They taught me about life,
I showed them how to live it,
We became one,
Where one was,
The rest were aware,
We were a clique.

I had come of age,
Had to leave mama’s den,
Be my own man,
I got a job,
Ready to be an adult,
Do as I pleased,
Right?
Wrong,
I worked for hours on end,
Even without work,
My master,
Forgive my language,
My boss,
Wanted to see me,
What was more significant?
My face?
My work,
Where I did it?
I wasn’t sure,
I just did what master wanted,
Anything other than that,
My head was on the line.

I quit my job,
Did what I loved,
Writing,
I wrote at will,
Whenever inspiration came,
I captured the moment,
Once it didn’t come,
I was frustrated,
I couldn’t write,
What would I do with my life?
Was there a reason for living?
Yes,
My wife and kids,
I loved them,
They needed the best,
I would go to hell and back,
To get the inspiration to make them happy,
I would walk out at 2am,
Listen to music as I wrote,
And write I would,
I was back to where my mother was,
A ten year old son,
A family,
People you’d give your life for,
And I looked at my son,
His smile ever so bright,
And told him,
Slavery is real.
Freedom is a state of mind.

Embrace your Evil

I looked into my soul,
My vision was blurred,
I couldn’t make out a thing,
It was either too dark,
Or I was turning blind,
I heard a voice,
An old fickle voice,
The voice guided me through the darkness,
I could feel hands on my ankles,
Cold breathes on my skin,
Droplets on my shoulder,
But the voice was reassuring,
I didn’t need my eyes,
Until I got to see a light,
I picked my pace,
As I sought my way out,
The grasps became brusque,
Their grips tighter,
The breathes sub-zero cold,
I could feel my fingers numb,
The droplets had turned,
Not in state,
But volume.

With every step I made,
Breathes became heavier,
My feet were immobile,
The old voice grew fainter,
All I could hear was a whisper,
Calm had turned to fear,
Fear to fright,
I could see salvation,
Or at least what I thought was salvation,
I tried my best to shout,
Let out a scream,
Ask for help,
But I got none,
My once loud voice,
The deep voice I once took pride in,
Had deserted me,
Left me at my hour of need,
My courage pulled a Houdini,
Disappeared long before I summoned it,
I was on my knees,
All hope was lost,
I crawled,
And let out out a sigh,
A sigh of despair,
I was losing a battle,
My own battle.

I wanted to call for help,
Call out to anyone,
My mother,
My sisters,
My girlfriend,
My friends,
But this was beyond them,
My father included,
At one point,
I almost drowned in my tears,
I got resigned to the situation,
I let go,
I stopped struggling,
I lay on the ground,
I felt a clutch on my throat,
But I didn’t fight it,
It squeezed,
But still,
No struggle,
It eased off,
Another set of hands helped me to my feet,
The scent of blood was everywhere,
I saw the light,
And turned my back to it,
I embraced my darkness,
We became one,
The once murderous hands,
Became a source of security,
And guided me back,
To my new home,
I found comfort in my evil,
I chose the dark side.

Nightmare

 

I have scary dreams every night,

Every time I sleep,

I slip into a reverie,

I see things,

Things I never thought possible,

I find myself in a new world,

A world where black is pure,

And so is white,

A world with equity as the main tenet,

A world where justice overrides the law,

A world where respect is more important than status,

A world where little is plenty,

A mentally blind world,

A world where my skin tone,

My hair texture,

The size of my nose,

Or the shape of my body,

Doesn’t cause me pain,

A world that appreciates,

A world where diversity is tolerated,

And individual talents integrated,

To bring the best out of the world,

My nights are no longer the same,

I’m afraid of nightmares.

 

 

 

Last night’s nightmare was the worst,

I dreamt of a world with no wars,

Full of laughter,

Joyful conversations,

Kids playing in open fields,

Neighbours sharing a glass of whiskey on the patio,

Kids going to school and learning,

Going on movie dates.

Without the fear of someone spraying bullets on them,

Or a missile hovering over their heads,

A world where love was not just a word,

A world where life has value,

A world where kinship isn’t determined by blood,

A world where kinship is in sharing the a planet,

A world where kinship is knowing my brother,

My sister,

Is any person that breathes the same air I do,

A world where a black kid can wear what he desires,

Without the fear of being just another fatality,

A world where a Caucasian lady can walk in the hood,

Without having her purse snatched,

I fear sleep,

For I know not what I might see,

I’m afraid of nightmares.

 

 

 

Did I tell you how my dreams started?

I was at church,

The priest mentioned something about visions,

How God could appear to certain people in dreams,

That night as I went to sleep,

I asked for one thing,

To be chosen,

Not to be like the rest,

And I had my first dream,

I dreamt of a world without religion,

A world where doing good was the goal,

There were no rewards,

No retributions,

No promises of riches in heaven,

The only reward was satisfaction,

A sense of joy in doing good,

I saw an Arab call a Jew brother,

Share a meal,

And talk of business ventures,

I saw a children play,

I heard them call each other brother and sister,

I dreamt of a world that was clean,

Free of pedophiles,

Rapists and murderers,

Corruption was unheard of,

It wasn’t the perfect world because death still lurked,

But it was the ideal world,

It scared me,

And now,

I fear sleep,

I stay awake to avoid this world,

A world the people I live with hate,

A world where I overrides we,

But I still dare to dream,

Even if my dream,

Is a nightmare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Dawn

I feel lost in this world,

I feel like a novice,

Would I move to another world?

Without a doubt,

Why not?

What’s there to lose?

Nothing,

My family?

Friends?

Life?

Well, we lose all that eventually,

So why not move now?

Move to another dimension,

Start s fresh,

Where nobody knows you,

And you know nobody,

Other than your body,

A rebirth of sorts,

With all your regrets,

All your guilt,

The great memories,

The people you knew,

Gone,

All of it,

Create a new identity,

A new dawn for you.

 

 

What kind of person I’m I?

Leave all the great memories?

My family,

Friends,

Leave everything I lived for, and swore to defend,

Leave a life I so much claim to enjoy,

A life I’m toiling to build,

Risking relationships,

Getting demeaned,

Just leave it all,

And for what?

A new life?

With new people?

Well,

Yes.

I’d do that today, tomorrow,

Or the day after,

Because where does pain come from?

What would hurt more?

Finding a stranger with your wife,

Or you brother?

Because what gives you the most joy,

Brings you to your knees,

So wouldn’t I be doing people a favour?

Avoiding hurting people,

As much as I don’t want to be hurt,

I’ll therefore, be averting a disaster,

And saving you from agony,

In essence what I’ll be doing is creating,

A new dawn for you.

 

 

Sometimes I just feel like I’m throwing my life away,

Not getting the best out of my life,

Not because I don’t try,

I always put in everything I have,

But what about my environment?

What of the people around me?

I’m I to always take responsibility for their shortcomings?

Cover their bases when I know I did right?

Well, I do

And I won’t stop,

I still ask myself,

What’s the use of wealth if I have to be cautious all the time?

Of what use is it?

Don’t you just want to be happy,

Without a care in the world,

Where people don’t love you,

For what you have,

Or people are after you,

To get to your position,

But I don’t want that,

I want peace,

Just to walk freely,

Knowing there’s not much to lose,

Other than my dignity,

Which I have full control over,

I just want to start over,

A new me,

A new outlook,

Basically, all I want is,

A new dawn.

 

 

 

 

Conservative Liberal

I met a girl last evening,

She wasn’t a diva,

Or the instagram model,

Just a simple girl,

Warm brown skin tone,

Hazel eyes,

Short kink hair,

Bleached flour teeth,

Gap in her front teeth,

Slight smile,

Leaving the rest to imagination,

Thin lips,

Just thick enough for her tongue to glance over,

Tiny nose,

Her neck not so long,

No creases,

Or veins shouting,

Just flawless skin,

An ample chest,

A V-neck top,

Tempting enough to show the valley,

But conservative enough,

To let you know there was plenty more,

She reminded me of a conservative liberal.   

 

 

Her dress held on just tight enough,

Hips evenly distributed,

Her posterior,

Jovial,

Made me smile,

The transition between her thighs and legs,

Virgin,

No mark,

Not even a crease on the knee,

I couldn’t contain my excitement,

I adjusted my smile,

My shirt and pants,

I had to maintain my calm,

Just be still enough,

And let her walk past me,

Could this be what I had been avoiding all along?

Was what I was running from chasing after me?

It couldn’t be,

I kept mum as she approached,

My heart racing to my feet,

But I remained rooted,

Struck by simple beauty,

Not even a word would escape my tight lips,

For the first time in my life,

I’d been hit by my own,

A conservative liberal.

 

 

Just as she was about to walk by me,

I lifted my eyes and stared straight into hers,

Before I could say,

You have beautiful eyes,

She stretched out her hand,

For a short moment,

I took myself to heaven,

Inducted myself,

And evicted myself,

For a simple reason,

I had met her,

I had a reason to be there,

And her here,

My first words to her?

Pardon,

I couldn’t get my words right,

She somehow jumbled them,

But with her smile,

I got a sense of calm,

And finally the words came out,

I’m hungry,

In my head I cussed,

Stabbed myself,

And slit my throat before burning my head,

I couldn’t afford to mess this,

But I already had with my hunger,

Goodbye conservative liberal.

 

 

She let out a giggle,

And said,

Me too.

How did you know?

I couldn’t believe it,

Hunger had saved the world,

I am part of the world,

 And hunger had saved me,

I convinced her to try my favourite restaurant,

She loved the food,

At least that’s what I got through the meal,

I talked about sports,

She talked about Syria,

I mentioned Isis,

She reminded me of all I avoided,

The previous girl was a crisis,

And all this while,

She never looked at her phone,

And neither did I,

Just the occasional glance at her chest,

She was everything I read of,

In my yet to be released book,

Party girl that didn’t necessarily have to party,

Independent,

But not full of herself,

She’d rather be full of me,

And nothing would make me happier,

Thank to be one,

With my liberal conservative.