Life is a Reality

They talk of doing wrong,

Being in the right,

But who sets the standards?

Who decides what’s good?

And what’s bad?

If killing is bad,

Then is killing in self-defense wrong?

Or killing as retribution?

I don’t know what to believe,

And what not to,

Because what I feel is right,

Isn’t what the policy makers approve,

And if I stay true to myself,

Then I’m deemed problematic,

They say I’m out of line,

And I should tow the line,

Or face the music,

Yet I’m told to assert myself in the world,

Make myself visible,

But only on one condition,

Use their rules and guidelines,

In essence,

Propagate their ideologies,

In a different face,

But I know the truth.

 

 

I’m told the devil is bad,

To always be wary,

Shun and rebuke him,

Turn him away at any opportunity,

Make him know he has no space in my life,

But who is the devil?

Is he a spirit?

A myth?

Or simply the next person?

I see murders on the telly,

Rape cases,

Robberies,

Fraud and manipulation,

The devil came to steal,

Kill and destroy,

But who does the killing?

Who carries out the robberies?

Who burns down people’s houses?

I’ve witnessed a murder,

A man committed it,

I’ve been jumped and robbed,

And I can swear this,

On all things Mahatma Gandhi,

It wasn’t the devil,

So who should I shun?

My neighbour?

The brother I’m supposed to love?

The sister I’m to date?

Who should I turn away?

 

 

I’m not here to cause a stir,

That’s far from the truth,

The truth,

Well the truth is I’m confused,

Religion taught me one thing,

But reality shows me otherwise,

In essence it should be realigion,

Because if it isn’t real,

Then of what significance is it to my life?

I’d want to be the model believer,

Stand by the values I’ve been taught,

But I don’t think even my teachers believe what they taught me,

Because they don’t do as they say,

I hear of religious leaders molesting boys,

Bedding people’s wives,

Making a killing out of offerings,

Living lavishly,

And enjoying worldly pleasures,

With the hope of the poor getting theirs in heaven,

But I’m out to live,

Make the best out of the few years I have on earth,

I’ll drink and make Mary make merry noises,

I’ll talk to every girl,

Because I won’t live in fear,

Prejudice or hate,

When we have angels among us,

Just as we have demons,

I will treat them as the occasion dictates,

Life is for living,

Not leaving unhappy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Apology

I say a lot when I’m angry,
I don’t necessarily mean it,
That’s what I feel at the moment,
And one moment shouldn’t destroy years,
I don’t know how to put this,
Without looking stupid,
Without being a jerk,
But I’ll still give it a go,
Because only we know about us,
What we’ve been through,
What we had planned,
And I don’t want to throw that away,
Simply because I said something in anger,
A moment I can’t take back,
Something that may recur,
More than once in the future,
But haven’t I shown you love?
Been there through our worst,
Even when our worst was you?
Then why is it so hard now?
So hard to look past this moment,
You say I’m selfish,
I only think about myself,
And nothing other than my happiness,
Is what I strive for,
I beg to differ,
But I’ll still take a moment to apologize.

 

 

How is it selfish of me to look out for us?
Work that extra hour,
Miss my weekends just to make enough for us,
Spend hours with you,
Simply because you felt sad,
Or you had an argument with your folks,
Or the time I had to spend the weekend with you,
Simply because you had a fight with your pals,
But I was there,
Not because I had to be there,
But because I wanted to be there,
To let you know I care,
Even if you thought it was my responsibility,
I could’ve said no,
Or simply made an excuse,
But I chose not to,
Through our arguments,
I never brought them up,
I knew I did them for us,
But in the heat of the moment,
I said something I don’t regret,
But I’m sorry for,
I’d do anything to take it back,
Just so we wouldn’t go through this,
And I’m doing that now.

 

 

I apologize for the times I made you laugh,
I never knew it’d hurt you this much,
Sorry for the dinners we had,
Sorry for the times I snuck up on you in the shower,
Sorry for eating fudge cake because you loved it,
Sorry for always apologizing when I was wrong,
Sorry for not being away when you needed me,
And when you didn’t,
I’m sorry for calling you numero uno,
Simply because I thought you were,
Sorry for all the crazy moments we had,
Sorry for calling you every morning,
I’m sorry for it all,
I wanted to be an ass,
But that’s not who I am,
That’s not what keeps me going,
But you needed more,
You needed better,
And nice guys can only be so good,
This is not me pouring my heart out,
This is me saying sorry,
Making it clear,
That saying sorry doesn’t cost much.

 

 

But I’m not writing this to defend myself,
Neither I’m I writing this to victimize you,
No,
I’m simply letting you know I’m sorry,
Sorry for making you feel like lesser of a human being,
Sorry for not controlling my anger,
Sorry for when you read this,
Sorry because I don’t want to see you hurt,
And therefore, I have to let you go,
Not that I love you any less,
On the contrary,
I love you even more,
More than when I first told you I did,
But even love knows when to let go,
I want you to be happier,
Happier than I made you,
And that’s why I’m leaving,
I’m leaving to give you space,
Space to get over your anger,
Over the hate you’ve developed,
The remorse towards someone you once loved,
Someone you once woke up next to,
Shared your most intimate moments with,
Over an utterance,
Not an action,
So I have come to terms with it,
And now I’m making my way out,
Out of your space,
But not out of your life,
I’ll be here when you need me,
But probably not the same guy,
But I’ll be there.

The Greatest Mistake

I’ve made many mistakes in my life,
Some good, others great,
But none like she,
She was the best mistake,
The kind of mistake you are crazy about,
And she made me insane,
I spent at least an hour,
Or two,
Probably twenty four,
Thinking about her on a daily basis,
She was my contagion,
Whatever she said,
I heard,
Whatever she did,
I was concerned,
I was in unchartered grounds,
I was the rabbi in Palestine,
It wasn’t a walk in store anymore,
I was chin deep in love,
A few more years,
I’d be drowning in love,
And for the record,
I can’t swim,
So I was to make it,
Or make it out.

Her name I won’t disclose,
But she gave me all I needed,
Humour, peace of mind,
Support,
Need I say love?
Because her love,
How can I put it,
It was overwhelming,
The kind a toy gets from a child,
And I was into it,
Calling her,
Texting her,
Making random trips to see her,
I loved everything about her,
Her sly smile,
Her dark skin,
Short hair,
Slim fingers,
Clear polish,
Innocent jokes,
She was practically it for me,
She made me tick,
I’d do anything for her,
Anything!
Even her,

But nothing lasts forever,
Not even love,
I opened my eyes,
She found her footing,
I watched as she walked away,
Away from what we’d both loved,
And we both knew that was it,
And I let her go,
No word,
No fight,
No last minute sorting,
I kept mum and she moved on,
I was already on my way out,
But I had the opportunity,
To make it clear,
Make things right,
Let her know we could have been,
But it wasn’t meant to be,
I had to let it go,
Let her be happy,
That’s what loved ones do,
Right?
Ensure those they love are happy,
Even if they make you hurt,
Break you inside,
Change your outlook of life,
You do it for them.

So I do it for her,
I love because she loved me back,
She taught me love isn’t two-way,
It’s worth fighting for,
If it doesn’t kill you,
It’s worth fighting for,
And I had my chance,
I could’ve fought,
But I chose to let her go,
Not because I didn’t love her,
Simply because I loved her too much,
I wasn’t willing to watch her break,
Crumble because I was overwhelmed,
I would’ve apologized,
Not because I was wrong,
Simply because I never fought,
Never tried to show her how much I loved her,
How much she meant to me,
But I have learnt,
And next time,
I’ll do it better,
I won’t hold back,
I won’t live my life in fear,
Fear of losing what I love,
I’ll let fate take control and have its way,
This time,
I will make a greater mistake,
I’ll fight for love.