The Sadist

 

She said I’m an animal,

A brute,

A devil,

A beast of sorts,

Let me show her my mark,

My revelation,

The hate in me is brunette,

They say chivalry is dead,

I can confirm that,

I saw logic kill it,

Chop its head off,

Buried it,

And left the body on the streets,

Decapitated,

I oversaw its cremation,

Put the ash in an urn,

And cremated the urn,

Just in case it thought it’d pull a Lazarus,

I’m not hurtful,

I’m spiteful,

I never see my glass as half empty,

Or full,

I drink straight from the tap,

They call me the sadist.

There was Tasha,

She was a church usher,

Easy on the smile,

So I didn’t really rush her,

But behind closed doors,

She was just like Usher,

Letting out all these confessions,

She didn’t want me to reveal,

So she made me sign a concession,

But as long as it was in my possession,

There would always be an obsession,

She loved me,

I lust her,

But I didn’t want to hurt her,

So I set her up with my boy,

Just so that I could bust her,

And that I did,

So I left her,

On the pretence I didn’t trust her,

I covered all my bases,

I guess that’s why,

They call me the sadist.

Then came Malinda,

The most sought after,

For her I had to submit a tender,

I borrowed a nice suit,

Got into a nice ride,

And went with my secretary Linda,

I didn’t need to pitch,

I already had a snitch,

She told me Malinda had an attitude,

She was basically a bitch,

I knew my way around her,

She had one of those posteriors,

I took her to my joint,

She loved the interior,

If only she knew my motives were ulterior,

There was nothing I wanted more,

Than to be in her interior,

Things went well,

Our relationship had become senior,

But we all have goals,

And mine I had achieved,

I knew it was my time to leave,

I left with a note,

Signed,

They call me the sadist.

I ended up meeting Lauretta,

With me she had a vendetta,

I had left her earlier,

And things hadn’t got better,

She knew I was the one,

And I knew that I was done,

So we decided to be one,

We went for dinner,

Some under the moonlight,

Others beside candles,

Things were looking up,

I was finally growing up,

I would wake up,

And the first thing,

To myself,

I would fist bump,

In the back of my head,

A thought popped up,

What made her come back?

Is it me?

Is it the love?

Or she just wanted the last say?

I let her have it,

I gave her the opportunity to dump me,

It was through,

They call me the sadist.

All the names used are purely for the purpose of the post.

I miss you

I miss you,

I don’t know where to start,

But I guess I already did,

It’s been a while,

If there was such a phrase,

I’d say it’s been too whiles,

It’s taken me a minute to figure out exactly what write,

A literal minute,

Like 1.2 heartbeats per second,

I don’t know whether you feel the same way,

A longing,

A deep longing for someone,

Made specifically for you,

Someone like me,

Someone you’d just want your arms to hold,

I’d like to admit it,

I did made a mistake,

I was not bold enough,

I left in a huff,

That was not cool,

That was so cold,

I just want you to know that I miss you.

I’m glad you miss me,

It’s always a great feeling,

Knowing someone, somewhere, cares for you

I can’t say I feel the same way,

I simply can’t forget the day you went away,

You left a massive void,

It had to be filled,

Whether it was by bottles,

To the piling butts on my ash tray,

Or the splitting butts when I’m on the prey,

My heart longs,

For life,

Not to create one,

But to take it,

And do so without any regret,

And not just to take it,

To put it to shame,

Make sure things will never be the same,

I don’t hate you,

But certain as a period,

I’m sure I don’t miss you.

I know my apologies won’t suffice,

And sorry won’t atone for your sacrifice,

But I’m sure there is no joy in wishing my demise,

Man is to err,

I’m certain you’ve had your fair share,

I won’t justify my mistakes,

I’m just stating we had different stakes,

I always wanted to see you,

Be around you every now and then,

But you never had the urge,

Whatever I said you took it straight,

I felt like you thought I was rigid,

From my decisions I couldn’t barge,

Every time I said I was busy,

You always said it was cool,

It’s like you didn’t care,

If you had the chance you’d drown me in a pool,

And honestly,

That really hurt,

If you’d show a little more concern,

I guess things would’ve been different,

But either way,

I know I still miss you.

I have nothing to forgive,

Just plenty share,

I do not wish you demise,

That I would never do,

In essence that would be my principle I compromise,

I’m not a perfect human being,

On the contrary I mess up a lot,

I wouldn’t be one to judge,

But that doesn’t mean I can’t see,

I appreciate your concern,

Wanting to be around me is great,

Your brilliance I’d love to see,

But you mention my lack of apprehension,

To which I’d like to disagree,

Whenever I called you,

Was that not a concern?

Whenever I asked when you were free,

Was that not a concern?

Whenever I’d ask how your day was,

Was that not a form of concern?

Or what did you expect?

A battalion to get you out of your house?

For me to go on my knees?

Include seeing you in my prayer item?

Or maybe simply,

Fasting or going to Jerusalem,

I’m just thinking out loud,

But I’m certain I don’t miss you.

Well,

I guess I really hurt you,

That wasn’t my intention and never will it be,

I’m focussed on the future,

Getting things back on track,

You and I,

You may be part of that future,

That is if you choose to look past the past,

And focus on us,

See the potential that is in store for us,

But only if you choose to move on,

You want to take a life?

Take the animosity from inside you,

I have already made my choice,

I’m apologizing for my actions,

Love just doesn’t fade away,

As much time as it takes to grow,

It takes to wither,

I cry from within,

That our love may not die,

Especially not like this,

Over words and not our faces,

But what I know and feel,

Is that,

I miss you.

It doesn’t have to end,

I just don’t feel the same way I used to,

I know they say you can’t eat your cake and have it,

I don’t plan on doing that,

I’d rather eat what I can and can what I can’t,

That’s why I’m not biting off more than I can chew,

I’ll start with baby steps,

You used to call be baby,

Remember?

I’m a firm believer in people getting their dues,

And as it stands,

A piece of my mind is your due,

I have enough problems,

From false advertising on instagram,

To Muhammad Ali’s on twitter,

To have time to hate you,

I believe even bridges take time to rebuild,

However much effort it takes I’ll try,

But I can’t offer any assurances,

I appreciate your concern,

It doesn’t change much,

But at least you care,

I may not feel the same way,

Not by a long shot,

Though it’s nice to hear the words,

“I miss you”.

Letter to my Unborn

Sometimes you just want space,

 Space to breath,

 But someone keeps you under water,

How do you survive on that little air?

 When the person who is putting you through this,

 Is someone you put all your faith in?

            A person you swore to always protect,

 Well, that’s life.

We make decisions hastily,

 And regret making them,

This is a letter to my unborn.


Do you love because you love?

Or do you love because it’s right to love?

And is it me ?

Or that which I have?

These questions are not for me,

They are for him,

Or her,

That is yet to be conceived,

Physically and psychologically,

They’ll need an answer,

If not today,

At some point in life,

A prepared mind begets more,

A dissuaded one little,

This is a letter to my unborn.


I picked you over the rest,

I saw them in you,

Not in your womb,

With your face and smile,

Your laughter,

Your touch,

Our humour,

So when I ask,

Think deeply of your answer,

This is not a commitment,

It’s a new life,

A new routine,

A new reason to be alive,

Commitments can be broken,

But to take your own life,

You must have suffered a great deal,

So as you think of your answer,

Remember,

This is a letter to my unborn.


To my son,

I have tried my best to prepare myself for you,

I want to be the best to you,

Teach you how to love,

Not just yourself,

Or individuals,

But life,

Teach you how to wade,

Not in water, but through life’s storms,

Make you understand how to survive,

It’s not about the fittest anymore,

For even Hercules and Samson failed,

Be smart,

Intelligent,

Know that you are wise,

Not because you think the most,

But because you understand,

I took time from my simple schedule,

To write this,

To you,

This is a letter to my unborn.


To my daughter,

I hear your silvery voice,

The touch of your tiny hands,

Look into your crystalline eyes,

There for your first steps,

Your first words,

Losing your first tooth,

Your first day of school,

And your graduation,

To see you grow not into your mother,

But into you,

A different lady,

A person who commands respect and love,

Not verbally,

But simply by her aura,

I have loved you even before you are born,

And I will love you after,

I write this down for you,

This is a letter to my unborn.


I’ve had you in me,

Pushing for your opportunity,

I believe it is your time,

To know and be known,

A past so bleak,

A future so bright,

This is your time to shine,

To illuminate the world,

I have had my fair share,

Failures and successes,

Good times and bad ones,

Friends and foes,

Plentiful and scarcity,

But I have overcome them time and again,

To my future self,

The future starts today,

The future is now,

The dream and potential I had,

Are now a reality and an opportunity,

Till I see you,

This is a letter to my unborn.

New year, same old thoughts

This is a new year and it has to be different. New year, new things, right? I put too much thought into things that may not be of much impact in my life, but at least I think critically. 2013, just like every other year before it, was full of its ups and downs. Will I look at them and use them to make decisions in 2014? Maybe. I believe we all have a purpose in life. And aren’t we all good at something? Look at it in this light. There are people who are good at writing, others reading, others buying the books, others judging the books and others knowing books exist. All these people are good at something, but not all these people are seen as being good at whatever field. I have so much in my mind today so I will just spill whatever I can for whoever cares to read.

In life, we have to have people who mess up things so that that the people who are good at mending them can be seen. I play my role in life diligently. I observe and point out what I’ve seen. There’s so much I’ve seen over the past year that I think needs to be mentioned. This is not a post against anybody so if it touches on you, do the wise thing and blame it on somebody else, your weak friend preferably. I’ll try and be kind so that the next time you see my post you will not throw your PC down the staircase.

Ladies, what’s the deal with wanting real men? I want to know who a real man is. In my world, you are either a man or not. What makes a man? Your worldview and culture will determine that. But when a lady says I’m not a real man because I didn’t hold the door for her, I get incensed. What is so manly about holding a door? Unless the door is falling and you are under it, what obligation do I have to hold the door? You want a real man? Let us dissect how real you are. And I have nothing against ladies, on the contrary, I love ladies, different shades and sizes. You bleach your skin. I know, black is or was beauty so I don’t know what’s real when your complexion isn’t. Make-up to conceal your flaws. Show me your skin and I’ll even open the window for you.

Standards are not just a sin of the feminine being. Their male counterparts suffer from the same disease. Men will take loans, be disloyal and even betray the trust of their loved ones just to be “A real man”. The truth is if someone does not love you for who you are, then they will only love you for being them. I may not be the most knowledgeable being on relationships but I do know a thing, your relationship will only last for as long as your thoughts of each other lasted.

They say God answers all prayers and I believe He does. There is a slight alteration though. God will only answer yes or no. The maybe bit, humans only added to give themselves a reason to hold on. Have you ever thought that maybe when your prayer isn’t answered someone prayed that your prayer shouldn’t be answered? Sometimes we just don’t think enough and jump to unnecessary conclusions. Critical thinking is very important.

Take a case where you are a pilot and the plane experiences mechanical difficulties. There’s only one place to land to save the lives of your passengers and that is on your own parcel of land and your kids are outside playing. What action would you take? Would you land and save the lives of the people you are carrying or would you take the risk and put your immediate family’s lives in danger? This is a simple question at face value but when critically looked at, isn’t as simple as it seems. Who decides what is right and what is wrong? Do you as human being have the ability to decide who lives and who doesn’t?

Many at times we see individuals who have been sentenced to prison for life or to face the hangman for taking another human being’s life. When the judge reads out his sentence, there are two parties. Those that jubilate and those that weep. I don’t think I’m in a position to determine who deserves to face a life sentence and who doesn’t. Most of our laws are built on religious foundations and one of the most important tenets of religion is forgiving. As much as it is one of the most important, I highly doubt it has ever been applied. Look at the bible, scriptures such as Exodus 21:12 and Leviticus 24:17 actually use murder as a means of punishment. In what case does murder become innocent enough to be forgiven and in what circumstances is it unforgivable? Same applies to Sharia laws where a hand is cut for theft. What of people who steal ideas, should a portion of their brains be chopped off in equal measure?

Standards are things we need to pay attention to because they affect us directly and indirectly. Are you comfortable living the way you are living? Most of us follow whatever religion we follow because we were raised in the religion but do you know why you are in it? Just like when you are interested in someone, you will always find a reason to defend them. “She is beautiful on the inside.” “He’s not a jack ass like people say he is.” “You don’t know him like I do!” Can you have the same defence for your religion? For the laws of the land that you are so proud or ashamed of?

Why should a person who was caught stealing bread because of hunger face time in prison? Shouldn’t the person in-charge of policies be imprisoned as well for robbing this individual of an opportunity?  We complain so often of the West being behind our woes but what action have we taken to rectify the wrongs they committed? Will the Queen’s apology raise the amount of money you require to take your son to school? What if your ancestor was a collaborator, would you still want an apology or compensation? What standards do we use to live our lives?

If you were to set the standards by which people would live, how happy would they be? Or if you were given a chance to spread western civilization, would you do it any differently? I certainly have no way of determining whose standards are the most suitable because as much as countries and international organizations have standards, very few of them are in line with ours. I’ve never heard anybody say the Turkana are disgusting because their ladies go topless and are shown on television. So where does it become disgusting? When it’s an African wearing “non-existent” clothes? I will talk of standards till the day I am able to live by my own standards and not those set for me. It’s a matter of choice and I am in the process of making mine.