“Trust me…..I didn’t mean to…..” sobbed Angela as she desperately tried to hold on to Matt’s hand. It had all gone in the wind. What had happened? Three years! Three years of solid building had vanished in an instant. Angela couldn’t hold back her tears as Matt sadly walked out without a word and closed the door behind him. She had suddenly lost it all. Everything she worked so hard to build had crumbled right in front of her and she couldn’t do anything about it. On the rummaged living room, a pair of shoes lay next to the seat.
Angela and Matt had met while in university. They were all from well-off families and met at a function where their parents were guests. From the outside, Angela was a reserved lady that liked the simple things in life despite her lavish lifestyle. Matt on the other hand, was wild and always looking for trouble. “Hi, are you taking Commerce at NSU? Because, damn that ass!” Remarked Matt as he picked a glass of whisky from the counter. Angela was taken aback. “Excuse me?” She retorted as she took a step back. “ Hi, I’m Matt but I can be yours. I’ve seen you at NSU before. Just thought I’d say hi to a familiar figure who’s not my dad.” Angela smiled back at him and replied, “I’m Angela but you can call me Ange. And yes I’m at NSU. Not taking Commerce though.”
I make a point to find something I want to achieve every year. Unfortunately, my year starts in five months so until then, I will procrastinate last year’s goal to then. However, 2017 was a very significant year for me and I had to jot something down to appreciate the good, bad and ugly.
It was a year that taught me hope isn’t just a beautiful girl sleeping with the choir master after practice. It’s the difference between reaching and falling short. I barely talk about my emotions but one lady I’ve been very close with was my grandma. Losing her was probably the lowest point for me.
One thing I learned from her is hope. Never lose that little glimmer that you have in life. Things may be going south faster than draws on a pressed crotch but there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. She always had something smart to say even at 100. Just like any soap opera, I’d have liked to say a few words to her before she passed on but I didn’t get the chance.
Did she know how much I loved her? Would it have made any difference if I was at her side when she took her last breath? I’ll never know but I hope I will never have to ask myself these questions again. I choose to speak my mind and say how I feel. Sometimes we don’t get reciprocated emotions but it kills you more to keep your feelings bottled up.
I know this first hand. I don’t regret a day in my life when I say something I mean. It hasn’t always gone well for me, but it’s lifted a burden off my back. Take risks. Live like today was your birthday and tomorrow is a holiday. Risk isn’t necessarily careless. It’s taking that leap of faith to find the little happiness you can achieve when you’re alive.
Fall in love. Walk out of toxic relationships. Make friends. Lose some. It’s all a part of growing up. Very often you’re caught up in historical cycles that have no impact on your present life. Every once in a while, be your greatest critic but give yourself a break as well. Don’t just make mistakes. Do them well. In everything you do, do the utmost best. There’s no rehearsal. Even if you believe in the afterlife, you won’t live it on earth.
Find a vent. Let things out. Bottled emotions are noxious. Don’t deny yourself happiness because of fear. Fear of the unknown. Your mind is a strong organ. Talk, sing, write, draw, take a walk. Just do something other than suffering in silence. Talk to your friends. Find out how they are doing every once in a while. It’ll take a minute but it can save a life. Everyone suffers. You may know how to deal with your demons but the next person doesn’t.
I never make outright resolutions because I learn and adopt as I live. I have goals just like you do but I believe living is also important. Discover. Travel. Open your horizons and have a holistic approach to life. The world has different kinds of people and each one brings something unique to the table. You don’t have to fit in. Be yourself but also be mindful of other people.
At times, take a break and hang out with yourself. You can live and be the life of the party but you’re not alive. Take a breather and evaluate yourself. Appreciate yourself a bit. Reward yourself and take your path. There’s no right path. You just need a reason to believe in the path you choose to follow.
Be nice. You don’t need to change the world to make a difference. Make a difference to one person. That can be your world. And if you can be the world to one person, take it with both hands. Make your year positive. Don’t focus too much on the negative and forget the only place you don’t want to test positive is in a lab.
At times you’ll feel like giving back the energy you get. And you’re warranted to feel that way on any given day. But you’ll need to have more negative energy to match negative vibes. The better option is to bounce off bad vibes with good vibes. It’s much more relaxing to spread joy and happiness. That is what your year should be like. Be happy and spread the happiness. The world needs it.
I can count the number of times I have had a decent dining experience. I’m very cultured just to be clear. The invites I get to join the who and who of Nairobi are too many. Usually I don’t know these people because I am the plus one so that’s why I referred to them as who and who. But there’s always that one dinner you go to and it’s not amped but has this boujee ambience that gives you an accent.
I’ll start from the top. In my line of work, we get invited to different social and corporate events. I’m a sucker for the former because I like having a good time and smiling at random people. It just happened that a corporate event had popped up and the person scheduled to go had a minor racing accident. She was confined to the bathroom.
I barely dress up but on this day I had on my favourite everything. From hair to socks. My boss looked around and pointed at me, “Ed, you’re going for the event. We’re leaving in ten minutes!” My heart was all over the place. There was a major tremor recorded on the seismic scale that day. I hadn’t practised on my English accent and that was everything I needed to make things smooth.
But who I’m I? The girls them sugar. I took a sip of cold soup and washed it down with hot water. My boss was a very fancy lady that had probably never been embarrassed in her life. That’s until of course she asked me to accompany her to a corporate dinner. We got there at around 6pm. The cars in the parking lot didn’t make things any easier. I may have let out one or two farts but they weren’t anything major.
We were ushered in by these beautiful ladies who I could have sworn I had interacted with at another social gathering. The music was so mellow that by the time we made it into the dining area, I already had my accent. We exchanged a few pleasantries with some of the dignitaries present and went on to sit.
Now this is where things got a little bit weird. On a regular day, a beer would have done it for me. If not, a gin and tonic on the rocks with a slice of lemon. And when I feel all sophisticated, a bottle of whisky and smoked fish takes the day. The waiter came to take our orders and I was feeling all exotic and thought of ordering a lobster thermidore, but opted for the spiced orange roast chicken. I know, it tastes as good as it sounds. When it got to the drinks, I didn’t know jack about wine. My prior interaction had come in the form of communion, Carlo Rossi and Overmeer.
I looked through the wine list and saw something familiar, baume. It reminded me of bum and I have a soft spot for this specific anatomy. Domaine de la Baume turned out to be the best thing I had ever had. The pairing with the chicken was heavenly. I could hear my ancestors slow clapping as I sliced through that bird with silver and didn’t mess my second hand shirt. I could see my boss was proud of me just by the way she asked about the palate of the wine.
“It’s voluptuous and slightly honeyed.” I don’t know where I had read that but let’s just say I attended more corporate events in the future. My boss had the Fish Hoek Merlot which I tried some time later and I fell in love with it. And you should too. Oh! And you can get a discount if you refer your friend at Oaks and Corks, just get it from here.
A dream is a defined as a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep. But what happens when you experience your dream? It gives you a sense of satisfaction in most cases not achievable. You dwell in your own world knowing you’re pulling the strings and calling the shots. You can cut when you please and roll one scene multiple times.
One of the scariest moments has to be feeling your pockets and can’t seem to find your phone. Your heart skipping a beat is an understatement. It will leap over walls and crash into your knees. More often than not you find your phone and enjoy those 15 seconds of your heart calibrating back to normalcy.
“How long is this going to take? I need to be somewhere in the afternoon,” remarked Jaden as the meeting wore on longer than earlier stated. He was meeting a group of investors looking to pump some money into a joint venture but his mind was elsewhere. He was scheduled to meet Kristen at some point in the afternoon
“We’re almost done. I just need to confirm we’re all on the same page before anything kicks off,” replied the chairman as he perused through the last pages of the proposal. Jaden and Kristen had known each other for years. Kristen had been out of the country for a while and even when she came back, would be in a completely different city.
Jaden and Kristen had unnatural chemistry. Despite the distance, they always had a reason to keep in touch. This was the first time in almost a decade they were meeting more than once within two months. The two were set to go for a meet-up at one of Jaden’s friends’ place. This was regular for him but it was something Kristen would not normally do, but chose to. She was a very reserved person.
Her beauty had levels. You’d see one thing today and the next time you see her; you’d notice something else to intrigue you. She was intelligent and genuine in all her actions. Her smile and composed were very calming to whoever she spoke to. Jaden on the other hand, was nothing close to this. When put on a scale, she would tip the scale in her favour. It was like beauty and the beast, only that beast didn’t own a mansion in this case. But they individually had reasons to keep in contact.
By the time Jaden had confirmed what time he was to meet up with Kristen, there was a football game on. He was an ardent football fan and Kristen, though not a sports fan herself, was supportive of this. All the time he was watching the game, he still wasn’t sure inviting her was the best decision because his friends were nothing remotely close to what she was used to.
They were the complete opposite. Loud, lived life on the edge and always had something silly to say about someone. He wasn’t so worried as to what they’d say but how she would perceive it. Things were going on the football front so he was calming down as time wore on. His friend picked him up in the late evening and they headed to where Kristen was staying.
“Hey, I’m outside,” said Jaden as soon as he got to her place. “Already? Ok, I’ll be out shortly,” she replied. After what seemed like a mini eternity, she emerged. “I hope this is ok. And I won’t be making someone at the venue angry, will I? A lady perhaps?” Jaden as always, was underwhelming in his dressing with jeans, a sweater and sandals. She on the other hand, looked like a gem. A black dress that was slightly above her knee, stockings and to cap it off, a Barcelona jacket, just in case it got cold or the team won.
The drive to their destination wasn’t long and on arrival, Kristen was almost taking for the hills but she barely knew her bearings from there. They made their way into the house after a quick round of introductions. Kristen and Jaden got comfortable in one part of the living room area and got lost in their own conversation. The two had a lot to say to each other but didn’t know how to express it. They would easily talk about anything, but barely scratched the surface about their feelings for each other.
“So, what are you thinking?” Asked Kristen. “About what exactly?” Responded Jaden. “You know what I mean. You’re a smart guy and don’t need me to spell everything out for you.” She said with a smile on her face. They had for long, harboured their feelings from each other because of the fear of the unknown. What of it didn’t work? What if they became too comfortable and started looking outside for happiness? It was a myriad of questions that had no definite answers.
“I don’t know. I…I…I think I just want to be with you and that’s it.” Jaden muttered. This was a topic none of them were prepared to talk about but they decided to. “You don’t have to though. I don’t want you to hate me. Sometimes when you get something you’ve wanted for so long, you lose interest in it. You can be with someone else, no pressure at all.” She amid chatters from Jaden’s friend’s outside the house.
“I’d rather take the risk I guess,” Jaden replied before she pulled him closer and plated a light kiss on his cheek. At this point he wasn’t sure of what to do. He simply held her tight and lingered in the moment thinking of what could be. “Go now. Your friends are probably waiting for you.” She whispered with her bright smile.
He hesitated for a few minutes and went out but was back on the couch with her shortly afterwards. It was as if any minute lost that could be spent with her would never be recovered. Technically that was true because her time in the country was limited and they had to make it count. It was very late into the night and with everybody still up, they cosied up on the couch waiting on one or the other to fall asleep.
“Ey, the room upstairs is ready. You guys can go sleep,” blurted out Viola as she gestured to her room. She was the host and would do the most to make us comfortable. They gathered everything they had, which was Kristen’s purse and phone. They got to the room and lay on the bed facing each other.
“I came here with answers and now I’m even more confused.” Said Kristen. Jaden ran his hands across her face and replied, “Emotion has no logic.”
They say the best things in life are free, but so are the worst. I’ve been offline for a while and I’ve seen darker days but not being able to write because I wasn’t motivated was one of the hardest things for me. I love writing and it may not be the best or interesting but it’s one of the ways I self-regulate.
In this period I’ve gone through changes and not just physically. The biggest adjustment other than starting a new job (Yeah, I move around) is that I’m pregnant. I know, it was a roller coaster of emotions for me when I found out as well, but just like Mary and other virgins before us, I accept this great responsibility. Well, I’m not like pregnant pregnant, my stomach has just outgrown my body. I look like a broken condom, free on the upper part, tight on the lower end.
Starting a new job just like any other new experience had its ups and downs. When I joined the organization (It’s a professional place), I had this serious feel around me. I had carried my Samuel L. Jackson to this place. I only smiled when hot tea was served and burned someone’s tongue or got outside the gate. But all that has changed now and I’ve met some really nice fellows, some nicer than others of course. And I’m on a diet as well.
In this period I’ve also realized fear can be a good thing or a bad thing. In my case, it’s an almost bad thing. One of the hardest things in life is being unable to achieve anything because of the fear of what if? The whole world can believe in you but if you don’t, it doesn’t count for anything. It simply means you lost a fight you were refereeing.
I can comfortably write about this because on more than one occasion, I’ve missed out on something big because of fear. Not that I was afraid of my capabilities. The fear stemmed from the fear of rejection. Fear of failure. How do I get back from failing? Do I just forget that someone said no when in all honesty I was the best?
The answer is yes! You get back up and move on. You can’t be afraid to achieve because of an obstacle. If Eve didn’t put the fear of the unknown to the side and take a bite of that apple, you wouldn’t have all these great experiences. In an ideal world where Eve said no, like all girls should to free drinks from strangers at the club, we would all be happy an overpopulated the earth.
But whether you believe in religion or not, is not the discussion here. It is about living in the moment and appreciating every experience you have. The bad ones are not supposed to be looked at as lessons only. You’re free to sulk and be down because something went south. Emotion has no logical explanation and you don’t need to justify it to anyone.
Enjoy the great moments. Don’t dwell to long on either of these situations though and forget to live. Your primary goal in life is to live. How you live it is up to you. Find something that you love to do, even if it’s a person and do that. Have you ever heard of the phrase life is too short? Well, it is very short. One minute you’re being given boobs for free, the next you need to convince someone why you’re the right person to show it to.
And that is life. An opportunity lost is not the end of things. I’d like to use people like Lincoln as examples but you don’t want to exercise power over people in the free world do you? You probably just want to sit back in some exotic location, spend time travelling, learning new things and creating memories. And that’s what you should do. We live too cautiously only to die. And for what? To enjoy retirement? I am guilty of working and forgetting the little pleasures in life. I still run out of money at the end or close to the end of the month and I have no stories to tell. That’s not how I should live.
I don’t want to regret. Think of what could’ve been. I want to ask a girl out on a date. Something out of the normal. Drink ourselves silly and uber home because I’m responsible and still don’t own a car. Life is an adventure and you are the Zach Galifianakis of it. Nobody has rehearsed for anything life has up it’s dirty, rugged sleeves. Feel free to try out new things and if they don’t work out, try something else.
Live without hating and spewing negative energy. You are not a dragon or a cat. Live and love. And it’s okay not to love as well, but hating people takes too much energy away from you. It’s however, allowed to hate the fact that Liverpool fans laugh at Arsenal, yet they don’t know how it feels like to see a Merseyside club lift the Premier League trophy. And kindly note, the current Premier League system started in 1992.
So as you welcome a new month and plan what you’re going to do next year at the same time, do something today as well. It won’t hurt. And get yourself something to drink.
So I’m in the office doing what I do best and get paid to do, research for dank memes and share them with my loyal followers. I have to say that this has to be one of the most difficult tasks. Keeping the masses fed and satisfied is not a mean feat. Back to the backbone of the story, which has nothing to do with the dank memes I share. It’s absolutely true though, I share memes like a generator.
Well, I was deep into my research and this lady walked in fuming. Under ordinary circumstances I wouldn’t even be concerned and would be bumping to bad and boujee while exploring the deep dark web. But this wasn’t any normal situation. Have you ever seen a corgi? Let me explain what kind of breed this is. It’s one of those tiny dogs that may or may not be cute but have this really fluffy behinds.
So this lady is pretty compact. She’s very short, with an ok face. There’s really nothing to write home about it because she looks sad even when smiling. It’s like she sees the disappointment you bring even before you do. You can however, write an equestrian on her booty. She has a massive booty and not those one that fluctuate depending on the dressing. It’s one of those all-weather butts.
It jiggles in yoga pants, dresses and jeans. I’m not kidding you. It has no respect for attires. None whatsoever! So she strut in all red into the CFOs office. Let me tell you about our CFO. You don’t just waltz into her office unless you’re psyched up, backed up with facts or just like starting shit. So I knew something was cooking but I’m like Kermit, it’s never any of my business.
A few moments later, my front desk mates followed suit and came out after deliberations I didn’t concern myself with. The day ended pretty well and I couldn’t complain about much except for the fact that there was a shortage in memes.
The next day is when things really heated up. Thuon or as we now call him, Chumbe Nyiri was summoned to the CFOs office. Next thing I know he cancelled lunch, which he was to buy by the way and just walked out with the company mediator, lawyer and part-time IT guy. One thing is that I’ve done is that I have made a few friends so my immediate front desk mate, who is loyal decided to let me in what was about to go down. (You need to have used your Kevin Hart voice there)
Chumbe Nyiri was headed to Central Police station. What I didn’t know was that the previous day Corgi had come to report the cockerels of all cocks to the HR for gross misconduct. You see, Chumbe likes life and as he has proven time and time again, we are visitors on earth and need to use every resources accordingly. He subscribes to esurio ergo manducare.
So he had gone out with another fine one and photographic evidence was shared on social. Corgi did not take kindly to this as she had vested interests and had assumed she was second in line. I forgot to mention Chumbe plucks a few feathers where he earns his daily seed. Corgi had taken offence in that she was skipped in line despite just being under the beak of the cock of cocks.
What did she decide to do? Report the man to the police for harassment. He had not shown any interest in her and she could not believe a sane Chumbe would turn a blind eye to a plate full of seeds. Upon reaching the station, they first had to establish what the main cause of concern was.
At first it was reported that he had called her unprintable names. Names you only buy for immediate pleasure and forget until the next encounter. But could this really be the Chumbe we know? Well, it could be but it wasn’t. The story later morphed into a case of gross ignorance. She felt ignored and snubbed by the man she had her eyes on.
The most appropriate cause of action was to report him and ensure he never turns down another female groin in his life. What kind of man turns down sexual advances? Is he even normal? I have to file a case against him because he has gone against nature! The case was eventually sorted out because Chumbe smiled at the female cop and explained that he had a long itinerary but he could fix her somewhere in between for rubbishing this absurd claims.
Chumbe Nyiri walked back into the office a hero. He had won the fight against forceful courting. He was now a hero and gave the young an opportunity to stand for their rights. The boy child had finally risen from the ashes and was triumphant. Now I just have to say hi to other ladies in the office smiling and bite lemons when greeting Corgi and when she shows interest I will slip up and that would be an unintentional assist from Chumbe.